A little inspiration for 2017…

Since 2016 is drawing to a close and we’ll soon be heading into 2017 (which is a scary thought!) I wanted to do a blog on some of my favourite quotes I’ve fallen in love with this past year, which hopefully will give you some kind of comfort, guidance and inspiration for 2017.

2016 has been a crap year for a lot of people, relationships have ended, people have lost their jobs, the loss of family members and friends, and it’s hard to pick yourself back up once these things have happened. I’ve come across a lot of inspirational quotes from some amazing authors and poets which put a lot of things into perspective. Whenever you’re feeling a little down I hope you read some of these and find a little comfort 🙂

 

  1. ‘And her heart was the best part, it would always calm the storm for those who were afraid of a little rain.’ – R. M. Drake

 

2. ‘Don’t think. It complicates things. Just feel, and if it feels like home then follow it’s path.’ – R. M. Drake

 

3. ‘Never again, in this life or the next will I give someone the power to destroy me. No longer will I be reckless with my heart. I won’t force a love that isn’t meant to be, nor will be afraid of being alone, I will fall in the deepest love humanly possible. Love of self.’ – R. M. Broderick

 

4.  ‘It is supposed to hurt, my child. That is why there is water in your eyes and blood in your veins. If we knew no pain, we wouldn’t have known truth, and truth, my child, is the soul of the universe.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

5. ‘Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.’ – G. K. Chesterton

 

6. ‘Every door leads somewhere. Every chance is a blessing. Every song, every movie, and every book is another world. Every person you meet will change your direction. Every person you love will strengthen your connection. (The one to yourself.) Every moment you spend looking, something breathtaking will be found. And above all, every time you feel broken, someone will be there to help you heal. You have to hope for all of these and believe in them…so you can learn to live better. This is how you will find paradise.’ – R. M. Drake

 

7. ‘Either no one knows what it is like to be alone because no one truly is. Or everyone knows what it is like because everyone truly is. I believe we are all in this together – more than your tired heart will ever know.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

8. ‘If you are broken and they have left you, do not question whether you were enough. The problem was you were so enough they were not able to carry it.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

9. ‘What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? that since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

10. ‘Give yourself time to heal. It is okay to get your heart broken. It is okay to shatter and slip through the cracks a few times. For the world wants you to believe that loving yourself is an illness but none of that is true. Take the time to love yourself. Your body isn’t broken. Your body is marvellous and you are more than what they expect you to be. You are everything they could never understand: love and light mixed together and all things that blow with the wind.’ – R. M. Drake

 

11. ‘Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters.’ – John Green

 

12. ‘If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.’ – John Green

 

13.  ‘You have to allow yourself to break apart. That’s the only way you’re going to know what you’re made of. Let yourself go. Let yourself fall. Let yourself drown. Let yourself shatter. And above all, let yourself get hurt. Do all these things and know…how you have to really know your demons to defeat them. Befriend them to destroy them. Love them and walk with them. That’s the only way you’re going to bloom.’ – R. M. Drake

 

14. ‘Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love.’ – Alison Malee

 

15. ‘Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.’ – Carl Bard

 

Don’t let the thought of going into 2017 scare you, let it excite you. Get ready to start a new year being who you’ve always wanted to be, go and do things you’ve always wanted to do and believe that anything is possible.

Just know that better days are coming. x

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Depression is a disease. Not a choice.

This post is probably one of the most honest things I’ve ever written. 

Aching. Tired. Alone. Scared. Exhausted. Miserable. Sad. 

You feel not good enough. You start to doubt yourself in every aspect of your life. You think you are not loved. You think you have no one. You start to constantly think about rock bottom, that this place you’re in now there is no coming back from. No one can hear you cry or scream, there wouldn’t be any point.

You believe that this is what life will be like now, its awful, horrific, the worst pain you’ve felt. But in some weird and twisted way you kind of get used to it, you get used to feeling not enough, you get used to feeling alone. You remember when you used to see the sun shine and how it made you smile, now it doesn’t make you feel anything anymore. But thats normal now. That’s how it will be from now on.

You try to think of when you were happier, when every day was filled with the sound of your own laughter, and how you loved going out with friends, but just as quickly as that memory comes it goes. This dark cloud won’t leave you, it enjoys your sadness, it feeds off your pain, there is no way you will ever win this demon.

Your friends call, they ask if you’re okay, but you don’t know how to respond. It feels like they are too far away to help you. They bring you things : food, water, company. Things that you needed so much in your old life, but now these things don’t matter anymore, they don’t really seem that necessary. That’s not your life anymore, all your wants and needs are blurred and nothing is clear. You just lie there. Awake. Unable to sleep.

Depression wants you to suffer. It wants you to feel that there is no hope, no light, no nothing. That life is just one big black hole. After a while the suffering starts to become familiar. You get used to crying every morning and every night. You get used to not sleeping or eating. You have no energy, you can’t smile, talk, laugh. You used to see bright colours, but now all you see is grey. No smiling, no laughing, no nothing.

People tell you to ‘just cheer up‘ – believe me, I would’ve loved more than anything to of been able to ‘just cheer up‘ or to ‘just be happy‘ again. So you start to avoid people – friends and family. You see strangers on the street – couples holding hands, families, young children, groups of friends. You don’t want to see them, you don’t want to see other people being happy when thats the one thing that you can’t be.

You feel guilty and ashamed to ask for help. No one would help you anyway, depression is just a silly word. So you put it off, you don’t ask for help and you keep living each day just as miserable as the last. But the thing is, depression isn’t ‘just a silly word‘. It’s not something to be ashamed of, it lies and tells you false truths. But my god depression is powerful. Its unpredictable and so so real.

The stigma behind depression keeps a lot of it’s issues and problems in the dark. It’s not easy to talk about, it’s very hard to grasp onto. I came across this really interesting article by Matt Haig – he goes on to say how suicide is now the leading cause of death in men under 50. With that statistic so plain and clear to see, how is depression not being talked about more, not being showed the attention it needs. Depression is a killer, it shouldn’t take a death for people to realise that.

There is life after depression, it may not seem like it at the time, but one day you will go on to live again. Hang on to that.

‘Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.’

x

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Life after Graduation. Where do we go from here?

Hey guys,

Sorry it’s been so long since I last posted! I got really inspired to write this post earlier this week, on monday I graduated from university! WAAHHEEEYYYY!

I can’t quite believe that 3 years has gone just like that, I’m so happy to have finally graduated but also really sad at the same time. That was my life for 3 years and now its over. Now I’ve graduated I have to officially be an adult (which is slightly daunting)

I’ve put together a few pictures from graduation  –

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For lots of people life after graduation is scary, you have to jump into the real world and figure out what you want to do. Some people have already figured out where they want to go, and I’m looking at myself thinking ‘I really have no clue.’

It’s not that I don’t know what to do exactly, it’s more of ‘how can I get there?’ I have goals and dreams of what I want to achieve out of life but trying to find the right path to lead me there is tricky. I started uni with my whole career planned out, by the end of it my career goals had completely changed, and thats okay to change what you want to do, just because you once wanted to do something else and now you want to try something different, thats pretty amazing. You’ve been figuring out what you want to do, and at least you know for sure that its something you really want!

Fear of the unknown is natural, for most of our lives we’ve been on a schedule with school, college, uni and all the rest of it. But now, we are out in the world with no teachers telling us what to do or how to get there. For the most part we have to figure it out by ourselves, and that’s a scary thought, it’s okay to be afraid. But don’t let that fear stop you from fulfilling what you want to get out of life. Don’t let it make you unmotivated and stop you from even trying, don’t let it stop you from taking risks.

‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

The things is, the sun will come up tomorrow just like it always has done, and just like it always will (unless you live in Manchester than most likely it will be rain) but you are given 2 choices at the beginning of each day…you either live your life or you don’t. You either try or you don’t. And my god I really hope you choose to try, I hope you breathe in every moment and take opportunities that scare you. I hope you laugh every day and choose to love people so deeply. I hope you stand up for what you believe in and choose to have a forgiving heart, because the truth of the matter is, whatever comes next whether it’s that dream job you’ve been hoping to land or you move in to your own place, this world will continue to go on. The sun will continue to rise and set, and life will continue to surprise you.

And what you make of it is entirely up to you. 

 

Lots of Love,

R x

I Choose Forgiveness…

I’ve always been a huge believer in forgiveness, that forgiving someone heals you, helps you stand up a little stronger than before, helps you be someone better. It helps you move on from people that have wronged you, and not live with a bitter heart.

 

‘Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart.’

Forgiveness is a second chance, it’s a chance to not make the same mistakes. I’ve learnt through this past year that people make mistakes, painful mistakes which leave you broken all over the floor, too broken to pick yourself up, too broken to even think about forgiving them.

But I found that holding a grudge against someone made me angry, made my whole body ache, I could see it turning me into a cold heartless person that would flip out on people for no reason, I started to become nasty towards people that were only trying to help me. I thought forgiving someone for the unforgiveable made you weak, but infact its one of the strongest things you can do.

Forgiveness gave me healing, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, not because we are bad people, but because we are human. What good would holding a grudge do? What good would it do if I stayed a bitter angry person? So I learnt to forgive. When you forgive someone, in a weird way you kind of feel set free, I had this image in my head that if I didn’t forgive and I held a grudge, they would feel so bad that eventually they would come running back and say sorry. But that didn’t happen. But I learnt in time that’s not the right or healthy way to go about things, forgiveness grants you the opportunity to let go. To let go of whoever has hurt you, or whatever pain you’ve felt, to be set free from whatever demons keep dragging you back. It’s a beautiful thing to forgive because you’re giving yourself a chance to be free again, to live.

I’ve forgiven people that I guess didn’t deserve it, that never asked for it, never made the effort to make an awful situation a little brighter, but that’s okay, because I think now that everyone deserves forgiveness, because where would we be without it? Try and not stay angry forever, it won’t do you any good, and you’ll never give yourself a chance to be happy again.

Remember, pain is temporary… I know that now, it doesn’t last, no matter how painful it seems at the time it soon fades and with time you start seeing that your days can once again be bright, and that is such a beautiful thing. Forgiveness taught me that I am stronger than the hell I went through.

I chose forgiveness then and I choose it now. Why hold on to something that is hurting you longer than it should? Forgive and then walk away. Forgive them and set yourself free, you’re not doing it for them, you are doing it for you.

Forgive when your heart has been broken into a million pieces, you’ll soon start to piece them back together. Forgive when people don’t treat you the way they should, forgive when the one you fell in love with betrays you. Forgive them. It may take all the strength and energy you have left but believe me, it’s worth it. You may think forgiving someone means they have won, but it isn’t a game. So forgive them and move on.

Once you do you’ll start to heal, you’ll start to grow back your wings that were once damaged on the floor, you’ll start to smile and you’ll start to believe in happiness again.

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Anyway until next time…

Lots of Love,

R x

 

End of an Era…

Hey guys!

It’s been forever since I last posted because I’ve been so busy, and I’ve come home for a long weekend to have a relaxing break!

I thought I would post this as I have officially finished university! 3 years has flown by super fast and I’ve met some of the best people. So I thought this post would be a look back at some of the best moments at uni. (Cheesy, I know)

SO, I remember moving to Manchester 3 years ago, I can’t remember the exact date, but I know I was very excited and extremely nervous. I had a room booked at the very classy MSV (C126 to be exact).IMG_4444IMG_4449

It’s weird looking back now and remembering moving in so clearly. I wasn’t living on my own though, I lived with my good friend Dom Major. I obviously didn’t know him at the time, but he seemed an alright chap when I first met him. Dom was one of the first people I ever met at BIM554M, and we’ve been friends ever since, although there was a point where I debated our friendship because that boy played John Mayer on repeat. I then met and became good friends with Heather and Ciara, and these 2 pretty much made first year for me!

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I remember starting lectures and thinking how it easy it was, it was so much fun just to write songs and play them for the class. Since the year I was in, is the very FIRST year to graduate BIMM Manchester…the lessons and work were a little all over the place, and I can’t even remember what work we had to do. I kind of remember freaking out over a 300 word essay thinking ‘OH MY GOD, SO MANY WORDS.’ I obviously didn’t know what third year would bring…

Once lectures had settled in, I then became friends with one of my favourite people, Owen. My first thought of him was that he was a complete weirdo and I  still think that now. We got on so well, and we soon started writing songs together, watching disney movies and talking about how hot Idris Elba is. Here is one of my fave pictures of Owen (you can tell how weird he is from this picture) IMG_2120

So far, first year was going grand, and it wasn’t until christmas time of first year that I started talking to the other half of Muth, Megan. We have been inseparable ever since. Honestly, attached at the hip.

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One of the worst stand outs in first year was the End of Term gig just before we broke up for summer. Meg and I had wrote the smash hit ‘Home’ and we were performing it in Factory, which is where the gig was held (awful). This performance had to be, hands down, the WORST PERFORMANCE EVER. It was bad, not a little bit pitchy bad, but both in completely different keys bad. BAD. People were actually covering their ears it was that bad. Here is a picture from that night, it still hurts to look at it, it brings back such out of tune memories… IMG_4450

One of the funniest pictures from first year has to be this one of Matt and I. I will never get over his haircut in the picture, I love it. Underneath all that hair though is a wonderful human who I’ve shared some very fond memories with – and some very awkward ones. (We will never go see a theatre performance again…) 1743637_10152681561969478_1150875102_n

So that was first year over! I was dead excited to start second year as I had booked a flat with Meg and Charlotte, and I was just excited to see what second year would bring.

I remember moving into to our new flat to start second year, we were on the 12th floor, and the view was AMAZING. I could literally stare out of our kitchen window for hours and not get bored, it was beautiful. Before lessons started a bunch of us decided to go to 5th Avenue for a night out. It actually was one of the funniest nights ever, it was such a good way to start second year. Although this was the night that glandular fever decided to make an appearance. I haven’t been back in 5th Avenue since…

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Here is a photo of happier times, about an hour before the contraction of the disease.

Once I survived nearly dying, second year had started and I already loved it. Looking back, second year was my favourite year. Not necessarily because of the lessons or work (obviously), but just the people. We did so much stuff that year, and I met so many new people that I didn’t even think went to BIMM! One of the highlights is obviously meeting this wonderful human, Romario. Quite possibly the funniest person I have ever met. He always used to say hi to me in first year and I would runaway from him because I was creeped out by the fact he was so nice and confident. (We laugh about it now) We became such good friends in second year and he is still one of my best mates.

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Here is an exclusive photo from a Romario Bryan photoshoot – (he asked me to take some photos of him)

Second year consisted going to a lot of open mics, which I loved. It was a great place to hang out and see the talent at BIMM. It was a shame that some of these got cancelled, but I’m glad I went along when I did.

IMG_4456    Here’s a shot of Muth and Akcadamy enjoying Novus Open mic at the very start of second year!

Another highlight of second year was my 22nd birthday, it was such a good night and I had the best time with the best people. I ended up drinking a little too much… but it was absolutely brilliant. We ended up going to Deansgate locks and having a good old dance. I remember texting Meg about 10 times once we had all gone to bed saying ‘I’m definitely going into Toms 9am lecture, definitely.’ I never made it obviously… (I hadn’t died or anything, I was just super hungover and the thought of cultural perspectives actually made me throw up.)

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One of my favourite tutors from first year decided to leave us all… we had a goodbye celebration at black dog (obviously) and just had a really chilled night! I did drink more wine than I thought I did, I also thought I was incredible at pool…I wasn’t. Heres a few shots of us from that night!

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The lessons were a little heavier than first year, but I still enjoyed them! Although Research Methods was a killer, I never enjoyed that. I remember performing at the End of Term gig before the summer break, and this time it went well! I was over the moon with how well it went, and I was so looking forward to my last year! IMG_0158

We always knew how to finish each year in style and it wouldn’t be complete without a group photo! IMG_4457IMG_4458

So, third year had arrived. The first term of third year wasn’t a great term – so fast forward a few months till after christmas and this is where I started smiling again. I had just come back from a trip to Paris, where I had filled myself up on pastry and cheese so I was ready for the new term!

Meg and I were living in our own little cosy flat, which then later got infested with a family of Mice, which wasn’t pleasant. Once the mice had kindly left (died), we were able to go in the flat and not be scared to sleep with the light off. 😉

Third year pretty much consisted of WORK, WORK AND WORK. So many essays, I spent so much time in the library. I don’t think anyone was that social in third year, because no one had time. I did celebrate some birthdays though and I did give myself a break or two.

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I also started rehearsing again for my own band! I had been writing loads of new songs and was so excited to bring them to the band! I’m so proud of where it’s going, it’s taking it’s time but I’m loving the journey I’m on. These guys are just incredible! (Also my drummer looks like Jim Chapman) Here’s me and the band – IMG_2687

 

A HUGE highlight from third year had to be when I met Ludovico Einaudi, I got to interview him for my dissertation and it was the most amazing experience. One I will never forget. What a talented man! I also went to see him live the night before which was unbelievable, I had been wanting to see him for ages but he was never in the UK. I would 100% go and see him again, what a magical night.

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Once I had completed and handed in all my work, the girls and I decided to celebrate with having lunch in the sun! (I ended up getting sunburnt on my head) but it was so worth it. 13339433_10208055853651506_7793284555111319494_n

So, that has been my 3 years of Uni in one blog post. Obviously there have been so many amazing memories I could’ve talked about but I would’ve been here forever! My uni experience has been one I will never forget, I’ve had the most amazing time at BIMM, and some of the worst times but I made it out and finished with a HUGE smile of my face. I’ve met some of the best people, and some of the most talented. I can’t believe 3 years have gone by, but what an incredible journey, and I can’t wait to see what we all do next…

Anyway until next time…

Lots of Love

R x

Now I’m a Warrior.

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone has had a great week and a lovely weekend so far.

So…I’m really nervous about doing this blog post but I just felt like I needed to write everything down. I think this is probably the most personal blog post I’ve ever written. So here goes…

Today hasn’t been the best day, I’ve found myself crying at points throughout the day and couldn’t really seem to switch it off. Some days I get like this, and that’s because I’ve been through an awful lot in my 23 years of being on this earth, that sometimes it just gets a bit to much for me.

Today was one of those days.

Today I realised that humans break easily. I don’t know why I’ve just realised it today. I thought I was the only one that kept breaking and trying to fix myself. Turns out I’m not.

I’ve been broken before, I’m not talking about a broken bone or anything like that, I was broken as a person and my heart was completely shattered all over the floor, that even now I’m still trying to piece back together. I lost myself as a person, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I would wake up every morning and cry, wander around aimlessly not really knowing what I was doing, I didn’t eat. I think the most I had in a day was a packet of crisps and an apple, so obviously that didn’t go down well as I lost about 2 stone in the space of 2 months. But I had no appetite, I was that broken that even eating seemed pointless.

I’ve been hurt before, whether that being a fall out with a friend or an argument with somebody, and it gets you a little upset. You have a cry and then you move on. You get over it. This time though I got the feeling this wasn’t something I just had to ‘get over.’ I had to learn from it and understand it and eventually the process of moving on will come. I couldn’t just click my fingers and suddenly everything was ok again (believe me, if I could do that I would) but you can’t. I had to take time and that was the thing that sucked most about it all. Time.

It felt like forever. Each day seemed harder and harder, and the days just kept dragging. I just wanted to get out of Manchester and go home, but then when I went home I just wanted to be in Manchester. I wasn’t happy wherever I was going. Weeks passed and nothing had changed, I was still this broken mess that wasn’t getting any better. I had no idea what to do, I didn’t want to do anything but wanted to do something. If that makes any sense. Friends would try to cheer me up or take me places but I just wanted to be on my own and cry. I remember actually looking forward to the evening so I could just cry on my own in my room because I needed to let it out, it actually hurt keeping it in all day.

My mind was just constantly playing tricks on me, I was constantly trying to fight it but through those months it just kept winning. I kept thinking ‘how will I ever be okay again?’ I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t even see a tunnel, I was just in darkness. I was constantly on edge and scared of everything. There was no hope, I couldn’t find any, it got to a point where I just thought ‘Right, this is it. I’m done.’

I remember it was mid November, and it was freezing outside and raining. (Obviously, it is manchester) and I had just woken up from my 4 hours of sleep, which was what I was getting each night. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t, my brain wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t looking forward to the day as usual, each day I was just waiting around to see what kind of torture today would bring. I remember heading off into my lecture in the afternoon, but had to leave early because even sitting down in a room full of people with everything going on just flipped me over the edge. I think I was in that lecture for about 10 minutes before I left. Even 10 minutes was too hard for me. I remember heading down to Bristol after that lecture to stay with a friend, for the first time in about 3 months I was actually looking forward to going somewhere. It was only a small excitement, tiny in fact. But it was something. That weekend was the first weekend in 3 months I laughed. I don’t mean giggled or a really crap fake laugh. I mean crying from laughter. Which was amazing because every other time I cried I was crying because I was sad.

That weekend I’ll always remember, the weather was awful and I got soaked through on each day, but I laughed. I laughed properly. I even ate a full meal and actually managed to stomach it. We didn’t do a ridiculous amount on that weekend but that weekend was a turning point, and it was only when I was walking around Bristol on the evening with all the lights and my friend by my side that I actually thought ‘I’m gonna be okay.’

From then on, I’ve just kept getting better and better. Some days, like today are not so great, but I have to deal with it and grow with it. I know tomorrow will be better. I started eating again, I started going out and actually having a good time, I started getting a good nights sleep, I started to enjoy peoples company and not constantly wish to be alone. I started to be kind to myself and love myself. I started to live again.

Looking back on what happened to me is hard, but it’s a story that I am so proud of. I’m never going to be ashamed of what I went through and neither should you. Whatever that is.

I’ve learnt that we all broken. We are all trying to fill in the cracks. We are all trying to face life the best way we can. Instead of constantly being broken on the floor, I decided I’m going to take my broken pieces and make them beautiful.

And that’s what I will continue to do.

Anyway until next time…

Lots of Love,

R x

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Don’t rush, Life is a journey.

Hey guys!

I hope you’ve all had a great weekend and are having a relaxing sunday! It’s also very sunny and warm in Manchester which has brightened up my day. So now it’s time for another blog post – I know you’re very excited.

I have lots of thing I want to say in this one and I usually do abit of planning beforehand, but I kind of just wanted to type this one out really and see where my thoughts take me.

So this morning I woke up and had a little cry. I think it’s only just hit me that I graduate University in about 6/7 weeks and then I have to go off into the real world. Thats a very scary thought and if I’m being honest I really don’t think I’m ready. I have a few things lined up after university which I’m hoping to go on and do, and I’m frantically running around trying to plan everything out. University has taken up 3 years of my life and in some funny way you think that it’s not going to end. You feel like you’ve got forever to figure your life out but then soon enough it’s April and you’ve got a load of deadlines and graduation is looming…

I use this app called Headspace. Its brilliant. It’s a meditation app, and it helps to just make me feel more calm. Especially in these past couple of months its proved very useful! I highly reccomend it.

Anyway, I came across this quote today and straight away I just felt more at ease and more calm with my life after University.

‘Don’t be in such a rush to figure everything out. Embrace the unknown and let your life surprise you.’ – Unknown 

I love this quote. I don’t need to have my whole life figured out. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to plan things and have goals and aspirations – but don’t be in a rush to try and figure it all out. I’m only 23, I’m still so young and I’ve still got so much to learn.

Don’t be in a rush to settle down – Just because you’re in your 20’s, does not mean you now have to get married. Don’t think because all your friends are getting married and having children that you have too. You don’t. Go and travel the world, go to cities you’ve never visited before, run a marathon, jump out of a plane, go swimming with sharks –  (I will do that one day…) Don’t be in a rush to have everything figured out, it’s okay to be unsure, that doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure. That just makes you human.

Being in your 20’s is such an amazing time. You can take chances you won’t be able to take when you’re older,  you can meet new people and see new places. Take time in learning to love yourself, you’ll enjoy life so much more. It’s okay to take things as they come, to make mistakes and change paths. Don’t let anyone put you down for not knowing what you want, some of us take longer to get there and thats okay. Trust that things will fall into place. It’s okay to be uncertain, embrace the unknown – you may just surprise yourself with who you turn out to be.

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It’s okay to not know what you want to do in 10 years. Enjoy the moment you’re in now and make it the best moment it can be. It’s okay to not know exactly where you’re life is heading. Challenge yourself everyday that pushes you in the direction of your goals, it doesn’t have to be huge but as time goes on, the future that seemed a little cloudy 3 months ago will start to seem abit more clearer.

Most of all – don’t think that everyone else has figured life out. While some people are further along the journey than others, we’re all in the same boat. Don’t forget to enjoy your life, don’t stop striving for your dreams but be open minded to change. Don’t keep looking back to the past, be excited of where you are right now and look forward to where life can take you. It can be all kinds of wonderful.

You’ll be okay. 

Life is a journey, so enjoy the ride.

Until next time…

Lots of love,

R x

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Believe in yourself.

Hey guys!

So a few of my recent blog posts have been about issues that I’m really passionate about, I really enjoyed writing them and the response I’ve had from them has been amazing. So I thought I would do another post on a topic that I think a lot of people struggle with.

‘Believing in yourself’

‘When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt’ – Honore De Balzac

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been the greatest lover of music. Whether that was listening, writing or playing. I fell in love with writing songs from an early age, and I knew that was all I wanted to do. I did have a little break where I thought about becoming a doctor, but I think that was because I had watched too much Grey’s Anatomy. (It’s so addictive)  I’m also not great with needles so that definitely wasn’t a path I should’ve taken!

During my love of writing songs, I started having piano lessons and I was finally able to write songs with music! My first song was actually about my older sister and it was called ‘Sister  Sister’ – Yes, very skilled. I know. But learning piano really made my songs into something great , and I loved writing about how I felt. Songwriting I think, is one of the best ways to express yourself.

I’ve been told many times and I’m sure lots of other musicians have, to just give up as its not a real job. When I’ve been out with friends and people ask me what you do for a living and I tell them I’m a musician, they look at you like –  ‘Are you being serious?’ This automatically placed a seed of doubt in my mind. I felt that there was no point in being a musician because to a lot of people a musician doesn’t really do much. There was a time when I actually felt quite ashamed, and had really wished that I was doing something where people would respect and admire what I was doing. I looked at a lot of my friends and they were at some of the top University’s studying subjects that would no doubt get them a great job at the end of it. Some friends bagged jobs straight away in a profession where they could live comfortably – and then there was me, the piano player that liked to write songs.

During school I think I lost a lot of confidence because no one was necessarily bothered about a new piano piece I could play, they were more bothered with the people who were having a sweet 16 birthday bash at the local village hall or how many friends you had on Bebo. Don’t get me wrong there was nothing bad about being excited for these things, that’s great, but doing music through school I definitley lost sight of where I wanted to go. I guess I was quite scared in a way, when fear grabs you, it suddenly feels like all your goals are out of reach. I was constantly questioning my ability and knowledge in everything I did.

Growing up and starting college and then University I started to believe in myself more. I realised that there is no point in fighting self-doubt. I needed to train it, and by that I mean I no longer tell myself ‘I will never be a good enough Songwriter or Pianist’ – instead I say ‘What can I do to become better?’

Learn to recognise when self doubt is kicking in. When your mind is telling you that ‘You can’t’ or ‘What if I fail?’ – remember that you can always try again. And do just that. Doing this will transform a negative situation into an opportunity for growth. Give yourself a chance to shine, let the world see just how amazing you are!

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Try and avoid toxic people and toxic situations. You need to surround yourself with people who are supportive and passionate, people who inspire and bring out the best in you. Through college and University I’ve met some of the greatest people who will constantly push me, and help me become the best musician I can be. I’m around some of the most talented people I’ve ever seen and every time I see someone play, whether thats a Songwriter, guitarist, bassist or drummer – I come away feeling inspired and a feeling of just wanting to play.

There will be times when self doubt will kick in a lot harder than you can imagine. Coming to the end of last year I had no interest in writing songs. I had a lot going on and I just lost all motivation and confidence. I had no interest in sitting down at the piano and writing. I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like I wasn’t good enough – I had a lot of rejection through that time and that suddenly just took it’s toll on me. But being a musician and even in every day life you are always going to face rejection. Yes it sucks, and it’s not a nice feeling, but I’ve learnt to accept and grow with it. I’ve grown as a person and a musician and I’ve been working on a set of music that I’m so proud of and so excited to share with everyone.

Don’t let anyone tell you to give up, or that you’re not good enough. Allow your dream to motivate you. You are all amazing and can do anything you want with your life. Have belief in yourself that you can be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Have belief in yourself that you can do whatever you’ve been wanting to do. Don’t give up. Try again.  I believe in you.

 

Until next time…

Lots of love,

R x

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Finding Happiness in You!

Hey guys!

So today I was just scrolling through Facebook and I came across a quote that really stuck out to me and it really inspired me to write a post about it;

‘Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket’ – Unknown (If anyone does know who wrote this please let me know!)

This really got me thinking…For many of us we tend to find happiness in the wrong places. Whether thats our job, our relationships or even money. I’ve always believed that happiness is a choice, and you can easily decide when you want to be happy and when you don’t. Last year I went through a phase in my life where being happy seemed like the hardest thing in the world. People would always tell me just be happy, don’t let other peoples actions ruin my mood or bad situations bring me down. Through this time I realised I really couldn’t switch back on the happiness like that. It’s really not that easy. Putting something to the back of your mind and pretending to be happy wasn’t an option. I couldn’t do it. But in fact I’ve learnt that its okay to feel crappy once in a while, it’s okay to cry about things that you’re upset over, it’s okay to want to sit in your room and shut everyone out. If it’s what you need to do, than you do it!

I’ve been guilty of depending on other people for happiness, and I’m sure lots of other people have, When that person leaves it feels like the end of the world and the only way to be happy again is for them to come back. A lot of people feel the need to put on a brave face and pretend everything’s okay when in reality it isn’t. Whether it’s losing a relationship or a friendship, you need to allow yourself time to grieve. Breaking up with someone or losing someone is a painful process, as cheesy as it sounds a broken heart is one of the worst pains. Healing takes time, but eventually the days get easier and you’ll start to love yourself again… I found another quote which fits perfectly into what I’m saying here;

‘If you ever lose love, don’t go out looking for it. Reach inside you and recreate what you think you lost. You are love. You can’t lose you.’ – Unknown

You shouldn’t have to depend on a person or a relationship to make you happy. There is always a possibility you will lose that person, but you will ALWAYS have you. Yes, relationships are wonderful and they add so much more to our lives, but they are not here to provide a constant happiness that we can’t find in ourselves. You are a complete and whole person without a relationship.

This is just the same for jobs, don’t let your happiness depend on your next pay day, or your next promotion at work. Don’t let your happiness depend on how many Instagram or Twitter followers you have, or how many likes you get on a profile picture. While these will bring fleeting pleasure this isn’t happiness.

I’ve seen a lot of people (myself included) that get themselves caught up with the past and the future. We can’t change the past, that’s just something we can’t do. We also can’t tell the future, I can’t tell you what will happen to me next week, I can’t tell you what grade I’m going to graduate with or what the weather will be like. I can have a pretty good guess but I don’t know for definite. This is just something that we have to live with. Instead of wishing to change things in your past and trying to prevent things that may or may not happen in your future, find happiness in this moment. There are a lot of things I wish I could change in my past but I’ve realised everything thats happened to me has shaped me into the person I am now, and while ghosts from the past do creep up from time to time, I’ve learnt to embrace it and appreciate both the good and bad.

Don’t let your happiness come from the approval of others, you are beautiful and amazing. Don’t hold grudges! This is an important one, don’t hold a resentment to someone, because all this will do is eat you up inside. I’ve been there before and while holding a grudge against someone seems like the easiest option, it’s the one that makes us hurt the most. Forgive people. Forgiving someone who has hurt you will give you the closure you need to move on, learn how to make peace with people who have wronged you. You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for you. Don’t let your happiness depend on how much weight you lose because you need to get that summer body. If you’re comfortable in your own skin then who is to tell you, you are not beautiful!? Embrace your body, embrace your look. Be the best YOU, you can be!

Don’t ever think that you’re not good enough. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes, embrace, learn and grow with it. I’m going to leave you with one last quote to end this blog post!

‘Be yourself, everyone else is taken.’ – Oscar Wilde

Until next time..

Lots of love,

R x

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