Dealing with Travel Anxiety…

So it’s been about 5/6 months since I last wrote a post which is terrible of me! (Apologies, I know you’ve probably missed me ūüėČ )

I’ve been super busy working, finishing my course in Magazine Journalism and basically just not really having a massive spurt of inspiration to write.

I thought now it would be a great time to write something, but more importantly something that unfortunately effects me everyday and a hell of a lot of other people.

Dealing with Travel Anxiety…

 

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It’s only been in recent years that I’ve really struggled with travelling, when I was younger my family would go on holiday every year to places like Spain and Cyprus, and I remember actually looking forward to flying – it never phased me whatsoever. Then gradually as I got older I started to get more and more panicky when I travelled. This could be from a bus, car or train. It didn’t really matter what mode of transport it was. The main thing for me is how ‘busy’ it is – so if I’m travelling on a train thats full I will straight away go into panic mode because I feel like I’m being closed in, that I can’t get off, that I’m around people I don’t know – the list goes on. I’m VERY good at thinking the worst in every situation so I’ll automatically think the worst when I travel which reeaallly doesn’t calm my nerves.

When I moved to London I really chucked myself in the deep end as it’s just a little busier than a small farmers village I grew up in, even now I really struggle to catch the tube and will only take it if I have too, thankfully where I work is only a bus ride away which I prefer but even that is a struggle sometimes. I fly to New York in the next week for a holiday, and as much I’m looking forward too it I’m freaking out because we have to fly there. In my head I’m just about putting every single scenario together that could go wrong.

But looking back to when I first moved to London I’ve become a hell of a lot better dealing with travelling. Yes, a lot of the time I will try to find alternative routes if one route is busier, but sometimes I literally just go ‘Screw this, why am I letting this control me?’ and force myself into that situation – and you know what? Everytime, I’ve come out the other end absolutely fine.

I know an awful lot of people that deal with anxiety and honestly it really needs to be talked about more – as I’ve said before in previous posts, theres a massive stigma around mental health and the more it’s talked about the more that stigma fades. I’m still learning what helps me with my anxiety and finding new tricks and tips to help me deal with it, and slowly but surely I can see a gradual improvement and that in itself it amazing. Daily achievements whether dealing with Anxiety, Depression or any other mental Illness should be celebrated.

If you suffer just know that It does get better – It won’t always feel this hard or tough.

So while it’s still a daily struggle, I take each day as it comes and always do what is comfortable for myself – It’s scary and uncomfortable but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it never stays dark for too long…

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Glossybox Beauty Products – August

SO this months box has to be my favourite so far! Every product in here is something that I would normally go out of my way to buy. Yet again the box itself is fabulous and I’m storing up all the boxes because they can be great to put bits and bobs in!

 

The first product has to be my favourite product out of the whole box, and one of my favourites I’ve ever received so far, it’s Ice Hair Mask Total Repair from Valquer. This hair mask has a cooling effect which is great at hydrating and taming your hair. You use this instead of conditioner once or twice a week and gently massage into your hair. The smell is AMAZING. I’ve nearly used my whole bottle up already! You leave it for 3-5 minutes then wash out. Straight away my hair feels so smooth and smells pretty wonderful ūüėČ I can’t recommend this enough, if you need just a little something to liven up your hair then this is perfect! It’s at a really decent price too, so you can’t really go wrong.

Buy it here! 

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Next is the Batiste 2in1 Dry Shampoo and Conditioner. I’m not usually a dry shampoo user but this 2in 1 combines the two perfectly and makes your hair feel really fresh! It’s particularly good for people with dry, coloured or curly hair. It’s pretty handy to use if you’re in a rush and don’t have time to wash your hair! Batiste always deliver and have really affordable prices.

Buy it here! 

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Next is Suede Lips from Rodial, it’s a lip crayon that gives off a matte effect but also moisturises your lips at the same time. It contains vitamin E and the shape of it makes it really easy to apply. It’s called ‘big apple’ a pink/nude shade that is perfect for summer. I absolutely love it, and I wear it pretty much every day because it’s such a natural colour. It’s a little bit more than I would usually spend on lipsticks/crayons but it’s definitely worth it!

Buy it here!

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Next up is a product that is basically 2 in 1. It’s from the brand Essence called live.laugh.celebrate! palette. Firstly I got a plain palette where you can mix and match your perfect combination, with two eyeshadow shades a blush and a highlighter you can then pop the shades into the slot of your palette and you have your very own customised palette! It’s a brilliant size so it can easily fit in your bag or to take on a night out to retouch up your make up. I haven’t really used any products from Essence before but the colours I had were very natural and a lovely daytime look. The best thing about this is the price! It’s very affordable and definitely worth buying if you don’t really want to splash out. You buy them separately so you can choose your own colours for your palette!

Buy it here! 

 

Lastly is the Safari Sun Bronzer from Model Launcher. I LOVE bronzer and it’s perfect for summer, it’s talc-free with a mineral enriched formula that looks great on the skin. The reason why it’s so great is because it has lots of different shades so they all blend together so well to give you a gorgeous sun kissed look! It’s perfect to take on holiday to give you that extra glow and it’s a great size to have in your bag.

Buy it here!

 

That’s all the products for this month! I can’t wait till next month. If you want to sign up to a monthly subscription to Glossybox then click here!

See you soon with another blog! x

 

 

Glossybox Beauty Products – July

This month’s Glossybox was very summery and yet again the products are absolutely amazing! First off the box itself was one of my favourites. It’s a gorgeous coral colour with the words ‘Hello Summer’ written on top. Pretty handy to store bits and bobs in!

 

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So the first product is Snail Essence Wrinkle-Smoothing Sheet Mask. It sounds weird and it also looks incredibly weird on. I actually look like I’m from Texas chainsaw Massacre.

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This face mask is definitely for a night in by yourself. Apparently snail essence increases the skin’s ability to hold moisture and reduce cellular ageing, so this mask is basically going to keep you looking young and fresh! It was really easy to apply, a little bit gooey from all the moisture but it stayed on my face well. You’re meant to leave it on for 15-20 minutes then peel off. The remaining moisture you just rub in. My face felt fresher straight away and my skin feels really smooth!

Buy it here!

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Next up is one of the cheapest products in the box but one of my favourites! They are the spiral headbands from Papanga. Hair can damage and fray really easily when you tie it up with a bobble, but these spiral headbands prevent breakage and split ends but also have the same hold as a bobble does! They come in all sorts of colours and are really affordable. I wear my hair up quite a lot and I always seem to go through so many hair bobbles, as soon as I tried them out I always now wear my hair up with them.

Buy it here!

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Next is the Small Fan A10 from Spectrum Collections, this fan brush is perfect for applying setting powder or highlighter. It also has cruelty-free synthetic bristles! It’s a brilliant ‘finishing touch’ brush and would fit perfectly in your clutch for a night out. I use this now for when I apply highlighter to my cheek bones, it’s really soft and applies it evenly. It’s one of my favourite brushes now so I highly recommend it! (It’s also a very pretty colour)

Buy it here!

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Next in the box is MONUspa Soothing After Sun Lotion, with aloe vera, vitamin E and shea butter this lotion is perfect to take on your holidays. It cools, hydrates and helps calm sunned-out skin. Now the weather is getting sunnier (although today it’s actually tipping down with rain) this is a must have! I have really fair skin and burn quite easily, unfortunately I don’t tan very well so this lotion really helps soothes my skin and calms down any redness. It’s a little pricey for what I would normally pay for lotion but it’s really sensitive on the skin and doesn’t cause any irritation.

Buy it here! 

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Finally is the Banana Setting Powder from BELLAPIERRE Cosmetics. Basically this setting powder has a yellow hue that helps counteract redness, discolouration, blemishes and dark circles in paler skin tones. If you have more of an olive skin tone it creates beautiful highlights. I’ve never used a setting powder before so I was really intrigued to start using it, I wasn’t disappointed as it kept my face looking fresh all day! It balanced out any redness I had and is a perfect size to have in your handbag! It’s a little pricey but totally worth it.

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So that was July’s beauty post! If you want to sign up for your monthly subscription to Glossybox then click here!

See you soon with another blog.

R x

 

 

Glossybox Beauty Products – June

 

So it’ s time for my monthly glossy box beauty post! When I opened this months box I fell in love with it straight away. I was so impressed with the products I received and couldn’t wait to start trying them all.

My favourite from this box and the first product I tried out was Beauty Pro black Diamond Black Peel Off Mask. I’ve seen other people use them and I’ve heard pretty good things about them so I was super excited that it came with this months box. It was a little messy when I started to apply it because its not a mask you just place on, it’s a really gooey liquid that turns into one. I left it on for a bout 15-20 minutes and once it started to harden I then peeled it off. Now peeling it off was so painful. I’m not even joking I thought I started to peel some of my skin off at the same time, I had to stop and take a breather at one point. Once I had peeled it off my skin felt amazing! It was so smooth and ¬†clean, and I felt so refreshed! This is a great buy if you want to have a girly night in or just a chilled out weekend.

Buy it here! 

 

Next up is 111Skin Space Defence Bright Eye Lift Gel. Now I’ve never really purchased a product like this, I never saw the point, but since it was in this months box I went and tried it out. It basically does what it says on the product, it’s a lifting gel. So it reduces dark circles, puffiness and fine lines. Really soothes the eyes and where it’s most sensitive. Good for wrinkles! (Luckily I’m 24 so that’s not a huge issue at the moment) But if I start young maybe when I’m 70 I’ll look 25.

Buy it here! 

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Next is Noughty Intensive Care Leave in Conditioner. When I first saw this I was a little bit unsure because when you apply conditioner your first instinct is to then wash it out. But in fact it’s made my hair so much healthier! I was worried leaving a cream like this in your hair would make it go greasy and not look that great, but it’s made it shinier and it’s so smooth. This leave in conditioner is for people with frizzy or damaged hair, and because I curl or straighten my hair a lot of the time it’s really helped. Once you’ve finished washing your hair as usual, just apply this to the mid section to the tips (avoid the roots) and style as normal. Straight away you can feel the difference! It’s at a really affordable price and you can get it in super drug. I really recommend it!

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Next is Sleek Lip Power Plump Pencils (in the shade Notorious Nude) In last months glossy box I received a sleek product so I was super happy when I got one this time. Now I LOVE lipstick. That is the one thing I will always buy, whether its lipgloss, matte or pencils I can’t help it. I was also happy that it was a nude colour, I like bright colours on the lips but you can’t go wrong with a nude or a light pink. This lip pencil is lovely, it’s such a nice colour and stays on really well. It’s a matte texture which I love and it isn’t sticky or anything like that. It’s at a cracking price and you an easily find it in super drug or boots!

Buy it here! 

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Next is Manna Kadar Glo Illuminator. This basically is a liquid that you can either mix in with your foundation or just wear it on it’s own to give you a glowing look. This product is great because you can use it on your face or anywhere else on your body, so you’re glowing all over! It gives off a really subtle luminous glow, and it’s in a lovely light pink shade. Now we’re coming into summer this would be the perfect buy! (It’s also at a really affordable price!)

Buy it here!

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Last but not least is one of my favourites, and is a pretty popular product on its own anyway! It’s the XXL Volume spray from Batiste! I’m not a huge hairspray wearer, I don’t really like a lot of ‘oomph’ in my hair (pretty boring, I know) but this spray is still great even if you’re just curling your hair, spray a little of this and it just gives it that extra volume instead of it being pretty flat. If you’re really into backcombing or having HUGE hair then this will be perfect for you! Batiste is a great brand with an even better price so you can’t really go wrong!

Buy it here!

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These are all the beauty products for this month! Can’t wait for July’s box already. If you want to sign up for your monthly subscription then click here! ¬†

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and I’ll see you soon with another blog.

Lots of Love,

R x

Glossybox Beauty Products – May

So recently I’ve signed up for a monthly delivery of beauty products from Glossy box. My sister got me into it as she’s been with them for over a year and the stuff you receive are amazing! I’ll put all the info in how to sign up at the end of this post. You answer questions about your skin and make up prefrences and each month they will send you a box full of goodies matched to your answers. So I thought as something different to what I usually write I would write a post on each monthly box, I’ll try them out and you let you all know what I think!

First off, which is probably my favourite from this months box is the avocado and aloe vera scrub. So last week I decided to have some quality time with myself and run a hot bath, pour myself some proscecco and try out this body scrub. I learnt during this experience that it’s probably best to apply when you’re in the shower, or at the very end of the bath. When I was applying it, it felt like and looked like I had been rubbing soil all over myself, so it wasn’t the prettiest sight. But it smelled amazing. After soaking for a little bit and listening to some old Maroon 5 hits I washed it off and my skin has honestly never felt so smooth. It was almost like a silk texture. I smelt great and felt great, so if anyone is needing a little pampering session this scrub is right up your street.

Buy it here! 

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Next is Ruby blush powder, I love trying out different blushers so I was really excited to try this new one out when I received it with the box. I was going out for some drinks so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity. I absolutely love the colour of this blush, if anyone loves nice rosy cheeks then this is perfect, you only need a little bit on your face as its very bright and strong, but it’s very summery! I will definitely be using this again!

Buy it here! 

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Another one of my favourites is the Sleek make up eye and cheek palette. I’ve purchased quite a few things from sleek before and I’m a huge fan. It’s great quality but really affordable, so at uni this was my go to make up! It has lots of different sections with different colours so you can change up your look, it has a highlighter and contour section with different colours of blush and eyeshadows. It’s a nice size so it can easily fit in your bag so you can top up on the go! I’ve used this on nights out and during the day so it can work anytime, highly recommend this!

Buy it here!

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Next up is PAWPAW original balm, which I have never heard of before and when I saw it in the box I was wondering what it was, but I absolutely love it now. It’s basically a soothing balm for lips, skin and nails. So it pretty much works everywhere! I’m a huge lover of vaseline (as I’m sure everyone knows already) but this works wonders on your lips, it has a really nice smooth texture and doesn’t leave you feeling all sticky, if you have dry, irritated or cracked skin this really soothes it and is great to take with you on your travels as it also helps with insect bites!

Buy it here!

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Last but not least is Ocean 417 foot nourishing cream, now this has to be my favourite foot cream EVER. I can’t even begin to describe the smell because its amazing, it’s a mix of fruit and summer and happiness. It’s beautiful. It leaves your feet feeling so smooth that you could glide round your house, I’ve started applying it at night time so it can work it’s magic when I’m asleep. If you suffer from cracked or dry feet then this will be perfect for you as it really soothes the skin and doesn’t leave it feeling irritated. It’s great to apply when you’ve just had a pedicure and now sandal weather is approaching it’s the perfect time to buy some!

Buy it here! 

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If you’re wanting to sign up to Glossybox for your monthly goody box then click here!¬†All you need to do is sign up and create an account, answer some questions and then you’re all ready.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, it’s something very different to what I usually write but it’s been so much fun trying out these different beauty products. This will be a monthly post from now on so I’m already excited for next month!

Lots of love,

R x

Be your own Valentine…

So Valentines Day is fast approaching and to lot of people that means celebrating it with the person you love. But to a lot of people it means spending it alone. With a bottle (or 2) of wine and the biggest box of chocolates you can find.

Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely when you have someone special and you spend the day with them, enjoying each others company, but why all the emphasis on this certain day each year? Shouldn’t we love and be loved all year round? To a lot of people spending Valentines Day by yourself can be quite a depressing thought, but before you resort to going on tinder and swiping right to the first human you see, why don’t you be your own Valentine.

SO, if this year you’re spending Valentines Day alone then I hope this makes you feel a little comfort ūüôā

You don’t NEED someone else in your life to make you happy on Valentines Day or any other day of the year infact. You can do that perfectly by yourself. So before you start searching for someone to fall in love with you, start by falling in love with yourself.

Start embracing the way you look and love every part of yourself, appreciate your talents, be your own best friend and for once stop caring how other people see you. Its the way you see yourself that really matters. You’re so amazing and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Enjoy your own company, I know for a lot of people that can be hard – but take yourself out on dates. Don’t wish and wait for someone else to do it. Take yourself to that movie you’ve been wanting to see for ages, go to an art gallery or museum and take lots of photos, go to that cute little cafe on the corner and order whatever the hell you want. You know that love you’ve been giving out to everyone else? Well for once maybe use some of that on yourself.

It’s hard to stay on track and not get distracted. We forget that we are capable of being there for ourselves, we are so much stronger than we think we are and sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for us to realise that. Though you may not feel like it right now, you as an individual¬†are a whole person, you are so complete on your own.

The world out there is much bigger than just this one day of the year. Valentines Day does not define you as someone who isn’t capable of being loved. You are so much more than that. So, this year embrace being your own Valentine. Be happy being on your own and don’t wish it away. Be happy with just being you, you are pretty damn great just as you are x

(If you do find it hard this time of the year, then The Blue Tree Clinic is offering discounted counselling therapy, just quote Valentines using your contact form РThe Blue Tree Clinic )

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My letter to you…

Dear you,

I’m sorry that right now, life isn’t going the way you planned, that every day seems a little worse than the last and nothing you could try to do can make it better. I’m sorry that you’re sad, that no one or nothing can numb the pain, not even for a second.

I want to say I know what it feels like because I’ve been there, that feeling of loneliness and unstoppable tears. I know what not being able to eat feels like and lying awake thinking ‘how the hell does this get any better?’ I know what it feels like to have no energy to do anything, no energy to smile or move, to just lie there, feeling nothing. I know what it feels like and in some way I hope that brings you some kind of comfort. But I know what I felt like isn’t the same as what you’re feeling or going through.

It’s impossible to control how you’re feeling, the way the darkness creeps in and just takes over your life bit by bit. I know you try to smile and try to put on this front, but you can only keep it up for so long before everything comes crashing down. Because this feeling wins. It always wins. Thats what you tell yourself anyway. Theres no hope.

I’m sorry that right now the dark is so familiar that strangely it feels like home. But please don’t get used to it, please don’t settle and believe you will never get out of this place. I know words sometimes don’t help and that nothing I can say will ever shift how you’re feeling right now but I hope you start to try, it will hurt like hell but please try.

I know you’ve been struggling for a while, and in some weird way I guess it never really does leave you. You do make it through to the light but you still have the past and the memories of what it was like. You still can remember the pain, but those demons don’t have that power anymore. You’re so much stronger than that.

I know that right now, it sucks. You have no direction, no hope, no nothing to wake up to and want to start the day. But I hope more than anything you just hang in there. Just hold on to the smallest piece of light, because it may not feel like it now but that small piece of light will soon become the sun and you’ll soon smile again.

You’ll start to laugh and hang out with friends. Breathing won’t seem like such a task and you’ll start to enjoy peoples company. You’ll look at different types of food and actually want to eat it, the smell of it doesn’t make you feel quite that sick anymore and you look forward to trying new things. You’ll wake up in the morning wanting to make yourself look nice, and when you look in the mirror you don’t flinch away. You smile. You see an¬†unbelieveably¬†strong person and you start to fall in love with yourself. You’ll start to appreciate the little things, like how blue the sky can actually be, or the sound of the waves when you walk along the beach. The laughter of couples that are sat in restaurants as you walk by and the way it can go from being so dry one minute to absolutely chucking it down with rain, and you’ll just stand there, taking it all in, because for the first time in a long time you can actually feel again. And it feels so good.

I know it may seem like a long way off, but I hope more than anything you just hang on to that image. Where you’ll smile again and it will be the most incredible moment.

One last thing, please talk to someone… please don’t hide away and keep it all to yourself. Yes you are incredibly strong but sometimes having people to talk to takes the weight off just a little bit. Don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed. You’re fighting something that sadly defeats a lot of people, but don’t let it defeat you. You are stronger than you know and having people to fight with you makes it seem a little easier.

Don’t ever feel like you’re alone. You’re not. Hang on to that. Hang on to hope.

You’ll soon breathe again, and I can’t wait for the day that you do.¬†

x

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A little inspiration for 2017…

Since 2016 is drawing to a close and we’ll soon be heading into 2017 (which is a scary thought!) I wanted to do a blog on some of my favourite quotes I’ve fallen in love with this past year, which hopefully will give you some kind of comfort, guidance and inspiration for 2017.

2016 has been a crap year for a lot of people, relationships have ended, people have lost their jobs, the loss of family members and friends, and it’s hard to pick yourself back up once these things have happened. I’ve come across a lot of inspirational quotes from some amazing authors and poets which put a lot of things into perspective. Whenever you’re feeling a little down I hope you read some of these and find a little comfort ūüôā

 

  1. ‘And her heart was the best part, it would always calm the storm for those who were afraid of a little rain.’ – R. M. Drake

 

2. ‘Don’t think. It complicates things. Just feel, and if it feels like home then follow it’s path.’ – R. M. Drake

 

3. ‘Never again, in this life or the next will I give someone the power to destroy me. No longer will I be reckless with my heart. I won’t force a love that isn’t meant to be, nor will be afraid of being alone, I will fall in the deepest love humanly possible. Love of self.’ – R. M. Broderick

 

4. ¬†‘It is supposed to hurt, my child. That is why there is water in your eyes and blood in your veins. If we knew no pain, we wouldn’t have known truth, and truth, my child, is the soul of the universe.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

5. ‘Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.’ – G. K. Chesterton

 

6. ‘Every door leads somewhere. Every chance is a blessing. Every song, every movie, and every book is another world. Every person you meet will change your direction. Every person you love will strengthen your connection. (The one to yourself.) Every moment you spend looking, something breathtaking will be found. And above all, every time you feel broken, someone will be there to help you heal. You have to hope for all of these and believe in them…so you can learn to live better. This is how you will find paradise.’ – R. M. Drake

 

7. ‘Either no one knows what it is like to be alone because no one truly is. Or everyone knows what it is like because everyone truly is. I believe we are all in this together – more than your tired heart will ever know.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

8. ‘If you are broken and they have left you, do not question whether you were enough. The problem was you were so enough they were not able to carry it.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

9. ‘What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? that since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

10. ‘Give yourself time to heal. It is okay to get your heart broken. It is okay to shatter and slip through the cracks a few times. For the world wants you to believe that loving yourself is an illness but none of that is true. Take the time to love yourself. Your body isn’t broken. Your body is marvellous and you are more than what they expect you to be. You are everything they could never understand: love and light mixed together and all things that blow with the wind.’ – R. M. Drake

 

11. ‘Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters.’ – John Green

 

12. ‘If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.’ – John Green

 

13. ¬†‘You have to allow yourself to break apart. That’s the only way you’re going to know what you’re made of. Let yourself go. Let yourself fall. Let yourself drown. Let yourself shatter. And above all, let yourself get hurt. Do all these things and know…how you have to really know your demons to defeat them. Befriend them to destroy them. Love them and walk with them. That’s the only way you’re going to bloom.’ – R. M. Drake

 

14. ‘Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love.’ – Alison Malee

 

15. ‘Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.’ – Carl Bard

 

Don’t let the thought of going into 2017 scare you, let it excite you. Get ready to start a new year being who you’ve always wanted to be, go and do things you’ve always wanted to do and believe that anything is possible.

Just know that better days are coming. x

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Mental Health Matters…

Mental health is a very real and serious thing.

1 out of 4 people in the UK experience a mental illness, which just shows that a lot of these sufferers, suffer in silence. These people are friends, colleagues, partners, acquaintances, strangers on the street. These people have feelings, they feel sad, worthless, miserable, not good enough. They feel what it’s like to be at at the lowest point.

They feel afraid. Too afraid to admit that what they are dealing with is real. Mental health isn’t just one thing, it’s a combination of attacks on your mind and body. Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, OCD are all illnesses. These aren’t annoying habits that just appear and go away, they are life changing. They challenge you to the point where giving up seems like the only way out. That it’s the only way to make it stop. You continue to fight every day, but you just keep getting weaker and weaker. It hurts. It really hurts, but you don’t need help from anyone because it isn’t an illness. That’s what society says anyway.

But the scariest thing about it all, is admitting that you need help. It’s admitting that you are suffering. Acceptance is hard, it doesn’t happen overnight. Most often it’s not that they don’t see the signs, it’s that they don’t want to believe they are actually sick. They don’t want people to know they are sick. It’s the stigma this society burdens us with.

We need to change our perspective on mental health, and with clinics such as The Blue Tree in London, we can do just that. The Blue Tree Clinic ( London Psychiatrist ) is a small boutique clinic in central London that have the best psychiatrists, psychologists and other professionals to help you through your most difficult time. With affordable prices and a love and passion for helping people that suffer with mental illnesses, this clinic is the light at the end of a very dark tunnel for a lot of people. They look at mental illness as an illness. Not an inconvenience, not a tiny little problem, not something that will define you. But an illness. An illness that needs to be addressed.

Don’t feel like you have to suffer alone, you’re not alone.

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Depression is a disease. Not a choice.

This post is probably one of the most honest things I’ve ever written.¬†

Aching. Tired. Alone. Scared. Exhausted. Miserable. Sad. 

You feel not good enough. You start to doubt yourself in every aspect of your life. You think you are not loved. You think you have no one. You start to constantly think about rock bottom, that this place you’re in now there is no coming back from. No one can hear you cry or scream, there wouldn’t be any point.

You believe that this is what life will be like now, its awful, horrific, the worst pain you’ve felt. But in some weird and twisted way you kind of get used to it, you get used to feeling not enough, you get used to feeling alone. You remember when you used to see the sun shine and how it made you smile, now it doesn’t make you feel anything anymore. But thats normal now. That’s how it will be from now on.

You try to think of when you were happier, when every day was filled with the sound of your own laughter, and how you loved going out with friends, but just as quickly as that memory comes it goes. This dark cloud won’t leave you, it enjoys your sadness, it feeds off your pain, there is no way you will ever win this demon.

Your friends call, they ask if you’re okay, but you don’t know how to respond. It feels like they are too far away to help you. They bring you things : food, water, company. Things that you needed so much in your old life, but now these things don’t matter anymore, they don’t really seem that necessary. That’s not your life anymore, all your wants and needs are blurred and nothing is clear. You just lie there. Awake. Unable to sleep.

Depression wants you to suffer. It wants you to feel that there is no hope, no light, no nothing. That life is just one big black hole. After a while the suffering starts to become familiar. You get used to crying every morning and every night. You get used to not sleeping or eating. You have no energy, you can’t smile, talk, laugh. You used to see bright colours, but now all you see is grey. No smiling, no laughing, no¬†nothing.

People tell you to ‘just cheer up‘ – believe me, I would’ve loved more than anything to of been able to ‘just cheer up‘ or to ‘just be happy‘ again. So you start to avoid people – friends and family. You see strangers on the street – couples holding hands, families, young children, groups of friends. You don’t want to see them, you don’t want to see other people being happy when thats the one thing that you can’t be.

You feel guilty and ashamed to ask for help. No one would help you anyway, depression is just a silly word. So you put it off, you don’t ask for help and you keep living each day just as miserable as the last. But the thing is, depression isn’t ‘just a silly word‘. It’s not something to be ashamed of, it lies and tells you false truths. But my god depression is powerful. Its unpredictable and so so real.

The stigma behind depression keeps a lot of it’s issues and problems in the dark. It’s not easy to talk about, it’s very hard to grasp onto. I came across this really interesting article by Matt Haig – he goes on to say how suicide is now the leading cause of death in men under 50. With that statistic so plain and clear to see, how is depression not being talked about more, not being showed the attention it needs. Depression is a killer, it shouldn’t take a death for people to realise that.

There is life after depression, it may not seem like it at the time, but one day you will go on to live again. Hang on to that.

‘Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.’

x

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