May Favourites

Hello everyone!

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been busy doing uni work and stressing massively. Super fun combo.

Anyway it’s that time again for another favourites post, so if you’re stressing about essays, why not take a little break and read this.. 😉

  • So… I FINISHED MY DISSERTATION!!! This deserves to be in capitals because it’s that big of a deal! I’ve only just finished it too but my god I’m glad it’s over. I’ve spent so much time in the library that it kind of felt like a second home, plus it’s full of books and I love books. So that’s great. But my relationship with the library is now over…

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  • I went to the most amazing food festival over the weekend in Malton. I love food festivals because I love food and I love eating. I ate so much on the weekend and it was nice to have a break from all the stress of uni! There was lots of live music and drinking and I saw loads of old school friends which was lovely! I think I’ve put on about 2 stone over the weekend, I can’t even explain to you guys how much I actually ate. It wasn’t normal. Here’s a picture of me and my friend enjoying an ice cream in the sun 🙂 13319844_10153419331426370_7126613366009337103_n

 

  • I celebrated some friends birthday! Jess and Shamyra had a party at Revs, and it was a cracker! Yet again, I ate a lot and just enjoyed people’s company! Also Jordan, Liam and I created a new sport that should be part of the Olympics now. It will honestly go down in history. It involved furry balls (sensible please) a party hat and my AMAZING throwing skills. We did look rather strange and got a lot of funny looks, but who cares when we’re standing on the podium with a gold medal. Won’t be so funny then. 😉

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  • One of the proudest things I’ve accomplished this month is the release of my first ever instrumental single. I’m SOOOOO proud of it, and I’ve been so overwhelmed by the response. I wrote it in October last year when I was going through some rough stuff and I just wanted to write something that didn’t have lyrics in it. Mainly because at the time I couldn’t even begin to write down what I was feeling, so I let the music do the talking. If you haven’t already heard it, here’s the link so you can check it out…

 

  • Another favourite is that some of my blog posts are now being published on websites! Which is amaaaazing. People are really enjoying what I’m writing and I absolutely love writing these posts! So thank you very much for all your support 🙂 If you want to check out my published posts, I’m featured on writeforhealing.com and heylittlerebel.com. (Also some more exciting news will coming soon) EXCITING.

 

  • I watched an amazing interview this month, when reading this it probably doesn’t seem that riveting, but for some reason I just found it so inspiring, so I thought I would share it with you guys. I’m not going to explain it because the video does that itself, and you can probably tell what it’s about just from the title. But I do recommend giving it a watch.

 

  • I haven’t really been to many gigs this month, purely based on the fact I haven’t had time. This month has just been dedicated to working on my uni stuff and working at the arena! But I did go see some of my closest friends perform at the Ritz basement. (Yes, the Ritz has a basement) I saw the lovely Megan Dixon-Hood who just so happens to be my flat mate and the other half of Muth. She’s always a delight to watch, I’m a proper fan girl. I’m not even kidding when I say I know every song off by heart. I watched Romario and the beautiful Jess Lebon perform, I was dead impressed with the whole night and I may have had a little boogie at the end of the night too. All in all a very successful night.

 

  • Another gig I went to was to watch the legendary Akcadamy. These guys always deliver and yet again I’m a huge fan girl. I’m not normally a massive fan of rap but Kc and Adam (hence the spelling of AKCADAMY smart eh?) literally make me fall in love with it. I love watching them, and they always like to take their shirts off too…which I’m not complaining about, they are more than welcome to carry on doing so. They have some absolute bangers which you can’t help but sing along.
  • Check them out on Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/akcadamy/?fref=ts

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Sorry it hasn’t been much in this post! Like I said I’ve been slaving away doing essays! I hope you’ve enjoyed anyway and I shall see you very soon with another post!

Until next time…

Lots of Love,

R x

Now I’m a Warrior.

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone has had a great week and a lovely weekend so far.

So…I’m really nervous about doing this blog post but I just felt like I needed to write everything down. I think this is probably the most personal blog post I’ve ever written. So here goes…

Today hasn’t been the best day, I’ve found myself crying at points throughout the day and couldn’t really seem to switch it off. Some days I get like this, and that’s because I’ve been through an awful lot in my 23 years of being on this earth, that sometimes it just gets a bit to much for me.

Today was one of those days.

Today I realised that humans break easily. I don’t know why I’ve just realised it today. I thought I was the only one that kept breaking and trying to fix myself. Turns out I’m not.

I’ve been broken before, I’m not talking about a broken bone or anything like that, I was broken as a person and my heart was completely shattered all over the floor, that even now I’m still trying to piece back together. I lost myself as a person, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I would wake up every morning and cry, wander around aimlessly not really knowing what I was doing, I didn’t eat. I think the most I had in a day was a packet of crisps and an apple, so obviously that didn’t go down well as I lost about 2 stone in the space of 2 months. But I had no appetite, I was that broken that even eating seemed pointless.

I’ve been hurt before, whether that being a fall out with a friend or an argument with somebody, and it gets you a little upset. You have a cry and then you move on. You get over it. This time though I got the feeling this wasn’t something I just had to ‘get over.’ I had to learn from it and understand it and eventually the process of moving on will come. I couldn’t just click my fingers and suddenly everything was ok again (believe me, if I could do that I would) but you can’t. I had to take time and that was the thing that sucked most about it all. Time.

It felt like forever. Each day seemed harder and harder, and the days just kept dragging. I just wanted to get out of Manchester and go home, but then when I went home I just wanted to be in Manchester. I wasn’t happy wherever I was going. Weeks passed and nothing had changed, I was still this broken mess that wasn’t getting any better. I had no idea what to do, I didn’t want to do anything but wanted to do something. If that makes any sense. Friends would try to cheer me up or take me places but I just wanted to be on my own and cry. I remember actually looking forward to the evening so I could just cry on my own in my room because I needed to let it out, it actually hurt keeping it in all day.

My mind was just constantly playing tricks on me, I was constantly trying to fight it but through those months it just kept winning. I kept thinking ‘how will I ever be okay again?’ I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t even see a tunnel, I was just in darkness. I was constantly on edge and scared of everything. There was no hope, I couldn’t find any, it got to a point where I just thought ‘Right, this is it. I’m done.’

I remember it was mid November, and it was freezing outside and raining. (Obviously, it is manchester) and I had just woken up from my 4 hours of sleep, which was what I was getting each night. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t, my brain wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t looking forward to the day as usual, each day I was just waiting around to see what kind of torture today would bring. I remember heading off into my lecture in the afternoon, but had to leave early because even sitting down in a room full of people with everything going on just flipped me over the edge. I think I was in that lecture for about 10 minutes before I left. Even 10 minutes was too hard for me. I remember heading down to Bristol after that lecture to stay with a friend, for the first time in about 3 months I was actually looking forward to going somewhere. It was only a small excitement, tiny in fact. But it was something. That weekend was the first weekend in 3 months I laughed. I don’t mean giggled or a really crap fake laugh. I mean crying from laughter. Which was amazing because every other time I cried I was crying because I was sad.

That weekend I’ll always remember, the weather was awful and I got soaked through on each day, but I laughed. I laughed properly. I even ate a full meal and actually managed to stomach it. We didn’t do a ridiculous amount on that weekend but that weekend was a turning point, and it was only when I was walking around Bristol on the evening with all the lights and my friend by my side that I actually thought ‘I’m gonna be okay.’

From then on, I’ve just kept getting better and better. Some days, like today are not so great, but I have to deal with it and grow with it. I know tomorrow will be better. I started eating again, I started going out and actually having a good time, I started getting a good nights sleep, I started to enjoy peoples company and not constantly wish to be alone. I started to be kind to myself and love myself. I started to live again.

Looking back on what happened to me is hard, but it’s a story that I am so proud of. I’m never going to be ashamed of what I went through and neither should you. Whatever that is.

I’ve learnt that we all broken. We are all trying to fill in the cracks. We are all trying to face life the best way we can. Instead of constantly being broken on the floor, I decided I’m going to take my broken pieces and make them beautiful.

And that’s what I will continue to do.

Anyway until next time…

Lots of Love,

R x

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Don’t rush, Life is a journey.

Hey guys!

I hope you’ve all had a great weekend and are having a relaxing sunday! It’s also very sunny and warm in Manchester which has brightened up my day. So now it’s time for another blog post – I know you’re very excited.

I have lots of thing I want to say in this one and I usually do abit of planning beforehand, but I kind of just wanted to type this one out really and see where my thoughts take me.

So this morning I woke up and had a little cry. I think it’s only just hit me that I graduate University in about 6/7 weeks and then I have to go off into the real world. Thats a very scary thought and if I’m being honest I really don’t think I’m ready. I have a few things lined up after university which I’m hoping to go on and do, and I’m frantically running around trying to plan everything out. University has taken up 3 years of my life and in some funny way you think that it’s not going to end. You feel like you’ve got forever to figure your life out but then soon enough it’s April and you’ve got a load of deadlines and graduation is looming…

I use this app called Headspace. Its brilliant. It’s a meditation app, and it helps to just make me feel more calm. Especially in these past couple of months its proved very useful! I highly reccomend it.

Anyway, I came across this quote today and straight away I just felt more at ease and more calm with my life after University.

‘Don’t be in such a rush to figure everything out. Embrace the unknown and let your life surprise you.’ – Unknown 

I love this quote. I don’t need to have my whole life figured out. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to plan things and have goals and aspirations – but don’t be in a rush to try and figure it all out. I’m only 23, I’m still so young and I’ve still got so much to learn.

Don’t be in a rush to settle down – Just because you’re in your 20’s, does not mean you now have to get married. Don’t think because all your friends are getting married and having children that you have too. You don’t. Go and travel the world, go to cities you’ve never visited before, run a marathon, jump out of a plane, go swimming with sharks –  (I will do that one day…) Don’t be in a rush to have everything figured out, it’s okay to be unsure, that doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure. That just makes you human.

Being in your 20’s is such an amazing time. You can take chances you won’t be able to take when you’re older,  you can meet new people and see new places. Take time in learning to love yourself, you’ll enjoy life so much more. It’s okay to take things as they come, to make mistakes and change paths. Don’t let anyone put you down for not knowing what you want, some of us take longer to get there and thats okay. Trust that things will fall into place. It’s okay to be uncertain, embrace the unknown – you may just surprise yourself with who you turn out to be.

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It’s okay to not know what you want to do in 10 years. Enjoy the moment you’re in now and make it the best moment it can be. It’s okay to not know exactly where you’re life is heading. Challenge yourself everyday that pushes you in the direction of your goals, it doesn’t have to be huge but as time goes on, the future that seemed a little cloudy 3 months ago will start to seem abit more clearer.

Most of all – don’t think that everyone else has figured life out. While some people are further along the journey than others, we’re all in the same boat. Don’t forget to enjoy your life, don’t stop striving for your dreams but be open minded to change. Don’t keep looking back to the past, be excited of where you are right now and look forward to where life can take you. It can be all kinds of wonderful.

You’ll be okay. 

Life is a journey, so enjoy the ride.

Until next time…

Lots of love,

R x

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Believe in yourself.

Hey guys!

So a few of my recent blog posts have been about issues that I’m really passionate about, I really enjoyed writing them and the response I’ve had from them has been amazing. So I thought I would do another post on a topic that I think a lot of people struggle with.

‘Believing in yourself’

‘When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt’ – Honore De Balzac

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been the greatest lover of music. Whether that was listening, writing or playing. I fell in love with writing songs from an early age, and I knew that was all I wanted to do. I did have a little break where I thought about becoming a doctor, but I think that was because I had watched too much Grey’s Anatomy. (It’s so addictive)  I’m also not great with needles so that definitely wasn’t a path I should’ve taken!

During my love of writing songs, I started having piano lessons and I was finally able to write songs with music! My first song was actually about my older sister and it was called ‘Sister  Sister’ – Yes, very skilled. I know. But learning piano really made my songs into something great , and I loved writing about how I felt. Songwriting I think, is one of the best ways to express yourself.

I’ve been told many times and I’m sure lots of other musicians have, to just give up as its not a real job. When I’ve been out with friends and people ask me what you do for a living and I tell them I’m a musician, they look at you like –  ‘Are you being serious?’ This automatically placed a seed of doubt in my mind. I felt that there was no point in being a musician because to a lot of people a musician doesn’t really do much. There was a time when I actually felt quite ashamed, and had really wished that I was doing something where people would respect and admire what I was doing. I looked at a lot of my friends and they were at some of the top University’s studying subjects that would no doubt get them a great job at the end of it. Some friends bagged jobs straight away in a profession where they could live comfortably – and then there was me, the piano player that liked to write songs.

During school I think I lost a lot of confidence because no one was necessarily bothered about a new piano piece I could play, they were more bothered with the people who were having a sweet 16 birthday bash at the local village hall or how many friends you had on Bebo. Don’t get me wrong there was nothing bad about being excited for these things, that’s great, but doing music through school I definitley lost sight of where I wanted to go. I guess I was quite scared in a way, when fear grabs you, it suddenly feels like all your goals are out of reach. I was constantly questioning my ability and knowledge in everything I did.

Growing up and starting college and then University I started to believe in myself more. I realised that there is no point in fighting self-doubt. I needed to train it, and by that I mean I no longer tell myself ‘I will never be a good enough Songwriter or Pianist’ – instead I say ‘What can I do to become better?’

Learn to recognise when self doubt is kicking in. When your mind is telling you that ‘You can’t’ or ‘What if I fail?’ – remember that you can always try again. And do just that. Doing this will transform a negative situation into an opportunity for growth. Give yourself a chance to shine, let the world see just how amazing you are!

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Try and avoid toxic people and toxic situations. You need to surround yourself with people who are supportive and passionate, people who inspire and bring out the best in you. Through college and University I’ve met some of the greatest people who will constantly push me, and help me become the best musician I can be. I’m around some of the most talented people I’ve ever seen and every time I see someone play, whether thats a Songwriter, guitarist, bassist or drummer – I come away feeling inspired and a feeling of just wanting to play.

There will be times when self doubt will kick in a lot harder than you can imagine. Coming to the end of last year I had no interest in writing songs. I had a lot going on and I just lost all motivation and confidence. I had no interest in sitting down at the piano and writing. I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like I wasn’t good enough – I had a lot of rejection through that time and that suddenly just took it’s toll on me. But being a musician and even in every day life you are always going to face rejection. Yes it sucks, and it’s not a nice feeling, but I’ve learnt to accept and grow with it. I’ve grown as a person and a musician and I’ve been working on a set of music that I’m so proud of and so excited to share with everyone.

Don’t let anyone tell you to give up, or that you’re not good enough. Allow your dream to motivate you. You are all amazing and can do anything you want with your life. Have belief in yourself that you can be the person you’ve always wanted to be. Have belief in yourself that you can do whatever you’ve been wanting to do. Don’t give up. Try again.  I believe in you.

 

Until next time…

Lots of love,

R x

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Recovery is beautiful..

Hello everyone!

I hope you’ve all had a great weekend and are ready for the week ahead!

Since my post ‘Finding happiness in you’ went down so well (Thanks to all the people who messaged, emailed and text me to say how much they loved it) I thought I would write another one. I’ve had this idea for a long time but I didn’t know how to write it, I’m still not completely sure but I think it’s such an important topic to talk about.

Recovering from something whether that being an eating disorder or depression is something a lot of people are too afraid to talk about. I completely understand why people are, because when you talk about something so personal you are automatically making yourself more vulnerable to everyone. Whether you’re male or female you should never be ashamed about your recovery or what you went/or are going through.

Recovery is a beautiful thing. It shows just show strong you really are, and that should be celebrated.

Mental health is real. Battling with your own mind is scary. It’s not something that can be turned off like that, It’s a real struggle that people face every day. One of the saddest things is that in a lot of people you can’t tell whether they are struggling, and knowing that breaks my heart. Underneath all the smiles and the laughs is a person who is constantly trying to find a reason to carry on the day. That’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Just because you can’t see the pain it doesn’t mean that it’s not there. To all the people feeling like this or going through something similar, I just have to say one thing – You are not alone.

Whatever demons you’re struggling with you are not alone. When I was going through hard times I was constantly told I wasn’t alone, at the time I never believed it because I got myself into such a state that I thought I had no one. But as the months went on and I started to heal, I realised I had never been alone through anything, and that was such a wonderful feeling. I look back now and feel so blessed that I had such amazing friends and family that never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself.

Some days are worse than others, but thats okay, you’re allowed to have bad days. Don’t feel like you have to put a brave face on to the world every day. I think a lot of people don’t realise how strong they actually are.

My road to recovery is still on going, but it’s a beautiful thing to witness. I look back to 6 months ago and I’m not in that place anymore. How amazing is that?! I wake up every morning with a reason to smile, life is so beautiful and you can do whatever you want with it. Have faith in yourself that you can get through whatever you’re going through. It will hurt, and it will be hard, recovery isn’t the easiest thing to do. But you’ll soon look back and weeks will have gone by and you’ll realise you haven’t cried, or you haven’t been fighting with your own mind, or you haven’t self harmed – and that may seem like a small step, but that’s a step in the right direction.

Relapsing will sometimes happen during recovery. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You just have to get back up and keep trying, and believe me as the days go on everything will become just a little easier – You matter, don’t ever let anyone else tell you different.

Embrace your recovery, be proud at the fact that you’ve managed to get out of bed in the morning even when you really didn’t feel like it. Be proud at the fact that you managed to go the whole day without crying. Don’t be ashamed of your story. I’m not saying that recovery is easy but it is worth it. Watch how you grow and change as a person, along the way you’ll learn how to love yourself again. Every day is a constant battle but keep fighting. You are all wonderful warriors and deserve all the happiness in the world.

Like I said, I’m not really sure how well I wrote everything. I just kind of sat down and typed.

‘Be faithful in the small things, because it is in them that your strength lies.’ – Mother Teresa

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post.

Lots of Love,

R x
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I met Ludovico Einaudi!

Hello everyone!!

So the last couple of days have been super busy and I haven’t stopped! (Which is a good thing!)

Monday night I had tickets to see Ludovico Einaudi live at the Bridgewater hall, which was absolutely incredible. I have never come away from a concert that inspired before, if you haven’t seen him live I highly recommend to go and see him, or even youtube him live. The whole band were so tight and worked so well together. Especially the violin and cello player….WOW. The best thing about the whole performance is how the music can make you feel.. (I know that sounds quite cheesy) I was constantly getting shivers and a tear may have been shed. His music is emotionally driven and each piece tells such a beautiful story. So as you can tell I enjoyed it very much!

Not only that but the morning after I got to interview him! When I found out I screamed and nearly collapsed. Meg thought something was seriously wrong.

So I got all my questions prepared and headed off to his hotel (which funnily enough is opposite where I live) His tour manager said to wait in the lobby, so I did. As I was waiting though I could see the band in the restaurant area…I could actually see Ludovico Einaudi eating breakfast and drinking coffee. This is where I fangirled slightly because I was actually watching Einaudi eat what I assume was a croissant. (very good choice)

He then walked over to me…then I started getting really nervous, I didn’t know whether to shake his hand or hug him, he’s italian so do I lean in for the kiss on each cheek!? As you can see I was definitely overthinking it. As he approached we just went for the casual handshake, I was cool with that. He had to go upstairs to his hotel room then he would be back down, at this point I text Meg saying – ‘HE JUST SHOOK MY HAND, I CAN’T BREATHE,  HES GONE UPSTAIRS BUT IS COMING BACK DOWN, DON’T REPLY BECAUSE I’M RECORDING THE INTERVIEW ON MY PHONE, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW!’

I was very excited.

During the interview he was so lovely and made sure to answer each question in detail and took his time with it. He told me about how he got inspiration for certain songs and how long it takes to write his music, he talked about how he rehearses with the band and how he got into playing the piano in the first place. I was just sat in awe and just nodded my head because I couldn’t quite believe it. After the questions were finished he was more than happy to sign  a few things and take a selfie with me. Yes, that is correct. I got a selfie with Ludovico Einaudi.

Another handshake happened to finish the morning and I wished him the best of luck with the rest of his tour, I then made my way to lesson and had the biggest smile on my face. If I’m comparing it, it’s kind of like a 14 year old girl meeting One Direction or Justin Bieber. I’m not kidding.

Once I sort everything out I’ll be sure to put the interview in a blog at some point, you won’t be disappointed.

I’m now cracking on with Business revision..super fun.

Anyway until next time..

Lots of Love,

R xIMG_2925IMG_2927.JPG