Dealing with Travel Anxiety…

So it’s been about 5/6 months since I last wrote a post which is terrible of me! (Apologies, I know you’ve probably missed me ūüėČ )

I’ve been super busy working, finishing my course in Magazine Journalism and basically just not really having a massive spurt of inspiration to write.

I thought now it would be a great time to write something, but more importantly something that unfortunately effects me everyday and a hell of a lot of other people.

Dealing with Travel Anxiety…

 

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It’s only been in recent years that I’ve really struggled with travelling, when I was younger my family would go on holiday every year to places like Spain and Cyprus, and I remember actually looking forward to flying – it never phased me whatsoever. Then gradually as I got older I started to get more and more panicky when I travelled. This could be from a bus, car or train. It didn’t really matter what mode of transport it was. The main thing for me is how ‘busy’ it is – so if I’m travelling on a train thats full I will straight away go into panic mode because I feel like I’m being closed in, that I can’t get off, that I’m around people I don’t know – the list goes on. I’m VERY good at thinking the worst in every situation so I’ll automatically think the worst when I travel which reeaallly doesn’t calm my nerves.

When I moved to London I really chucked myself in the deep end as it’s just a little busier than a small farmers village I grew up in, even now I really struggle to catch the tube and will only take it if I have too, thankfully where I work is only a bus ride away which I prefer but even that is a struggle sometimes. I fly to New York in the next week for a holiday, and as much I’m looking forward too it I’m freaking out because we have to fly there. In my head I’m just about putting every single scenario together that could go wrong.

But looking back to when I first moved to London I’ve become a hell of a lot better dealing with travelling. Yes, a lot of the time I will try to find alternative routes if one route is busier, but sometimes I literally just go ‘Screw this, why am I letting this control me?’ and force myself into that situation – and you know what? Everytime, I’ve come out the other end absolutely fine.

I know an awful lot of people that deal with anxiety and honestly it really needs to be talked about more – as I’ve said before in previous posts, theres a massive stigma around mental health and the more it’s talked about the more that stigma fades. I’m still learning what helps me with my anxiety and finding new tricks and tips to help me deal with it, and slowly but surely I can see a gradual improvement and that in itself it amazing. Daily achievements whether dealing with Anxiety, Depression or any other mental Illness should be celebrated.

If you suffer just know that It does get better – It won’t always feel this hard or tough.

So while it’s still a daily struggle, I take each day as it comes and always do what is comfortable for myself – It’s scary and uncomfortable but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it never stays dark for too long…

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A little list of things to leave behind in 2017…

  • Leave your past behind – The past is in the past and no matter how hard you try and change that it will still remain there. Let it go. The more you keep looking back the more you’ll miss out on what is happening right now.

 

  • Leave the hate behind – Leave whatever hate you’re feeling inside of you and try and learn forgiveness. Forgive people that never said sorry, forgive people when they don’t even deserve it – don’t continue to feel hate because you’ll end up hurting yourself more.

 

  • Leave that lack of confidence – Stop listening to the voices in your head telling you that you’re not pretty or good enough. I can honestly say that it’s a load of crap. You are more than enough. Learn to love and look after yourself – the change has to start with you.

 

  • Leave behind comparing yourself to others – Don’t head into 2018 comparing yourself to people, you are on your own journey and walking completely different paths. The more you focus on someone else’s journey the more you’ll lose sight of your own.

 

  • Leave behind the things and people that don’t make you happy – You need to look after yourself first, leave behind the guilt you feel when what you want doesn’t match up with what someone else wants. This is your life, you’re not a puppet. Go and live it for you and only you.

 

  • Leave behind your phone – Physically leave it at home. We have become so attached and dependent on our phones and social media that we are missing what is really happening in the world. A text or a notification can wait, but the people that matter to you are in front of you now, and you never know for how long.

 

  • Leave behind perfection – Stop thinking that perfection equals happiness. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Imperfections are part of who we are, it’s what makes us – us! Just try and remember that you don’t have to be perfect to be happy. You just have to be you.

 

  • Leave your comfort zone – Go and do things that you have never done before, try new foods you’ve never tried, go and travel to different countries you’ve never seen. Be bold, daring and brave. Go out and experience new things. There’s a whole world out there – don’t be afraid to step outside of your bubble, you’ll be amazed at what you’ll find.

 

  • Leave behind your mistakes – Whatever mistakes you’ve made in 2017 let them go. You don’t need to bring them over into 2018 – what’s happened can’t be changed but you can learn from your mistakes, it will help you grow into a better person. Don’t let them define who are you for the rest of your life – instead of letting your mistakes break you, let them build you.

 

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A Little Inspiration – Part Two

So about this time last year (maybe a little later) I posted a blog of my favourite inspirational quotes to take into 2017, so over this past year I’ve fallen in love and saved some new ones! I love these kind of posts because sometimes all it takes is a few sentences to really touch home ¬†– I love when a piece of writing can become something personal.

So if you’re having a bad day, week or year then I hope these quotes give you that little bit of comfort or that extra push you needed to go out and be brave.

Choose, everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love. – Alison Malee

What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? that since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. ¬†It’s the world that convinced her she did not. – Rupi Kaur

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.Omar Khayyam 

They’re scars for a reason, they don’t hurt anymore but they’re there to remind you of all the things you lived through. The moments that almost killed you and ones that made who you are. Stay strong.R.M Drake¬†

Beg no one to stay when they decide they want to leave. Your love is not a cage for wild hearts, it is a gift to be well received.Nikita Gill

The world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it, there is nothing purer than that.Rupi Kaur

Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that. РGemma Troy 

One of these days, you will see that your pain is the reason why you’re still here. This is how we make art. This is how we beat the monsters.Erin Van Vuren¬†

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.Herman Hesse

Maybe theres something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters.John Green

We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.Ernest Hemingway

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.Oscar Wilde

There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask ‘What if I fall?’ Oh but my darling, what if you fly?Ernest Hemingway

If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.John Green

If you are broken and they have left you, do not question whether you were enough. The problem was you were so enough, they were not able to carry it.Rupi Kaur

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See you soon with another blog x

 

Life is only just beginning.

So this is a really spur of the moment post but I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a little while but I didn’t really know how to write it, but I’m currently laying in bed with a cup of lavender tea (tastes WAY better than it sounds) and I’m finding myself just typing away on my laptop.

These past few weeks I’ve been scrolling social media and it’s round about this time now that everyone is graduating! It was only last year that I was doing the same. It’s weird to think that you were once a student that had no responsibility and suddenly you’re thrown into this big scary world trying not to drown. It’s hard. And extremely overwhelming. Even if you went straight into work you could still be there doing the same routine day in and day out wondering when something will just click.

After university last year I moved back home to sunny Yorkshire and got myself a job in my little town, I couldn’t really stay in Manchester as I had literally NO money whatsoever and in all honesty I needed a big break from the city and to come home and just breathe. I saw a lot of my friends stay in Manchester or move off to other cities and go travelling and I was just living back at home doing the same thing. As the months went on I became comfortable, I was up and out the door for 8 and then back at whatever time in the evening, I would watch some TV or read a book and then go to bed, and it was the same, Every. Single. Day.¬†

I’m 24 and I felt that my life wasn’t really heading in any direction. I felt stuck. I wanted to do all these things but somehow I couldn’t quite get there and I didn’t really know how to get there either. Especially since I’m at the age where my student days are long gone and real life is calling for me…

But after taking some time to really think about it, in all honesty it’s absolutely fine to feel like that. It’s okay to feel a little lost at 24. Or 30, or 40. It doesn’t matter what age you are you’re always going to feel a little lost at some point, and I think that it’s a pretty magical thing, that you can feel so lost and unsure of what the future holds but you eventually find your path, you get to rediscover yourself over and over again and become someone who is proud of who they are.

You might find that getting your dream job is a lot harder than you thought it was, or that your relationship has broken down and you have no idea which way to go next but the wonderful thing is you get to decide EXACTLY what it is you want to do. You decide which path you take next. Yes, you’ll feel lost and worthless and hurt, and it may seem like the world is against you and doing everything in it’s power to keep you from being happy, but it’s not. Every morning is a chance for you to wake up and make today the best day of your life, to go out and reach whatever goals you have set yourself. You don’t have to permanently feel lost, you just have to close that chapter in your life and move on to the next one, and the best thing is you get to write it.

Don’t be scared to try living out of your comfort zone, be brave and take chances. You don’t want 30 years to fly by and to regret all the chances you didn’t take. Have faith that things will work out and enjoy the journey. You might end up surprising yourself.

A few months ago I didn’t know how my life was going to pan out, and I still don’t. The mystery makes it that much more exciting, but I got off my backside and put working on my dreams into gear. I go travelling around Europe in 3 weeks and then I move to London with 3 wonderful friends to start a life down there and I couldn’t be happier, and for the first time in a long while I’m excited to see where the future takes me.

The best time for new beginnings, is now. 

 

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My Favourite Books…

I’ve always been a huge fan of reading, I find that it’s a great way to relax and for everything just to be still for a little while. In this post I wanted to show you guys some of my favourite books that I’ve read recently – these range from novels to poetry to autobiographies. I hope you take whatever inspiration you can and maybe go ahead and purchase one of them yourselves! You won’t be disappointed.

In no particular order ūüėČ

  1. Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig

I got reccomended this book by a friend, I had never heard of it before or heard of the author, now it has to be one of my favourite books ever. This book is a healer. The writer talks about his personal experience with depression from the very lows to coming out the other side and how even now he still faces struggles. I couldn’t put it down because I was so emotionally attached to his story, it made me want to cry, smile, laugh and scream. I think one of the most amazing things about this book is that he recognises depression and anxiety as an illness and not just some inconvenience. He see’s it from both sides, someone suffering and watching a loved one struggle. He’s not afraid to show how dark depression can actually be and I think that’s why it’s one of my favourite books, he’s brutally honest about his experience but also talks about just how amazing life can be when you finally start to heal.

2. Milk and Honey – Rupi Kaur

I am a huge fan of poetry, and this book is the reason why. I started following Rupi Kaur on Instagram as I came across a few poems she had written. When I started to fall more in love with what she was posting I had to buy her book. It’s beautiful. It may be a book full of poems but it tells a story of survival, loss, abuse and love. Each part of this book deals with a different pain, it definitely comforts a broken heart. I think every girl at some point will be able to relate to what she’s saying, and I think that’s why I fell in love with it, because at some point in my life I have felt some kind of pain which somehow she has made into beautiful poetry.

3. Angels Walking series – Karen Kingsbury

This isn’t just one book, it’s 3. Karen Kingsbury is my favourite authors. I’ve been a huge fan of her since I was a teenager when I first read one of her books when I was on holiday. From them on I have fallen in love with her work, I own a lot of her books so it was hard to narrow it down, but these 3 are the most recent. The first book is Angels Walking and I got it for Christmas 2015, and I think I read it in about a week. The thing with Karen Kingsbury is she has a way of connecting with her audience that you can’t physically put the book down. I’m a huge fan of the lovey dovey novels where there is always a happy ending and the two people in the story always end up together. I love crying when reading, you know it’s a good book when it makes you cry. Angels Walking is a beautifully crafted story of love and loss, you root for the main characters and find yourself in the story. Just like the next two books of the series ‘Chasing Sunsets’ and ‘Brush of Wings’ you experience more heartache, she focuses on new characters and intertwines all the stories together. She’s an incredible writer that has you hooked from the beginning. If you’re wanting a book that you can’t put down then I recommend Karen Kingsbury.

4. Broken Flowers – R.M Drake

R.M Drake is another author that I first started following on Instagram, just like Rupi Kaur he has a good way of putting what you’re feeling into words that are beyond beautiful. Not only is he an American author but he is also a self-acclaimed street artist. His work is seen across all the major cities in the US. In this book instead of focusing on longing and loving he writes more about friendship, memories and honesty. The way you can relate to his¬†work is what makes it stand out, there is a poem in there for everyone. It brings comfort to you when you need it most in the smallest of passages. His work is simple but beautiful.

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5. Spaceship – R.M Drake

Another R.M Drake book, this is one of his older books and I love the way he describes it as ‘A collection of words for the misunderstood.’ I think that in itself makes you want to buy it. This book is less ‘wordy’, but there is art and design attached to the quotes. It’s very short and sweet and wouldn’t take you long at all to read it, but I would find myself re-reading certain quotes over and over again. Again, R.M Drake never fails to disappoint.

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5. Her – Pierre Alex Jeanty

Jeanty is a American author and poet, ‘Her’ is my most recent purchase after yet again falling in love with his quotes through Instagram. (Great place to find some amazing poets!) One of the most beautiful things about this book is that he writes about the beauty and strength of women, it is a beautiful expression of heartfelt emotion which he portrays perfectly. Every girl should pick up this book, you’ll come away from it feeling empowered and inspired, and I can’t stop reading it over and over again. It’s one of my favourite purchases and I’m so happy that I stumbled across his writing. – ‘If there is a lover in you, you will not get enough of Her.’

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6. Unfiltered – Lily Collins

Lastly is the only autobiography that I own, now I’m not a huge fan of autobiographies, they don’t interest me in the slightest, but this one isn’t like any other. It’s a personal story of Lily Collins where she talks about her struggles with anorexia, troubled relationships, her father, her love for baking, her struggles with body image and so much more. She reveals the most personal parts of herself and lays it completley bare for everyone to read. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful and I didn’t realise just how much I can actually relate to her. I’ve been a fan of Lily Collins for a while, I’ve always enjoyed whatever movie she has been in, but this book makes my love for her even greater. She isn’t afraid to talk about her lowest points in her relationships, how she struggled to love people with addictions, how she struggled with anorexia and bulimia from a young age and how now she has such a great love for food. She writes a heartbreaking letter to a dad, and makes you realise that loving yourself is the best thing you can do. I can’t recommend this book enough.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and maybe you might even purchase one of these.

Lots of love,

R x

Be your own Valentine…

So Valentines Day is fast approaching and to lot of people that means celebrating it with the person you love. But to a lot of people it means spending it alone. With a bottle (or 2) of wine and the biggest box of chocolates you can find.

Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely when you have someone special and you spend the day with them, enjoying each others company, but why all the emphasis on this certain day each year? Shouldn’t we love and be loved all year round? To a lot of people spending Valentines Day by yourself can be quite a depressing thought, but before you resort to going on tinder and swiping right to the first human you see, why don’t you be your own Valentine.

SO, if this year you’re spending Valentines Day alone then I hope this makes you feel a little comfort ūüôā

You don’t NEED someone else in your life to make you happy on Valentines Day or any other day of the year infact. You can do that perfectly by yourself. So before you start searching for someone to fall in love with you, start by falling in love with yourself.

Start embracing the way you look and love every part of yourself, appreciate your talents, be your own best friend and for once stop caring how other people see you. Its the way you see yourself that really matters. You’re so amazing and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Enjoy your own company, I know for a lot of people that can be hard – but take yourself out on dates. Don’t wish and wait for someone else to do it. Take yourself to that movie you’ve been wanting to see for ages, go to an art gallery or museum and take lots of photos, go to that cute little cafe on the corner and order whatever the hell you want. You know that love you’ve been giving out to everyone else? Well for once maybe use some of that on yourself.

It’s hard to stay on track and not get distracted. We forget that we are capable of being there for ourselves, we are so much stronger than we think we are and sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for us to realise that. Though you may not feel like it right now, you as an individual¬†are a whole person, you are so complete on your own.

The world out there is much bigger than just this one day of the year. Valentines Day does not define you as someone who isn’t capable of being loved. You are so much more than that. So, this year embrace being your own Valentine. Be happy being on your own and don’t wish it away. Be happy with just being you, you are pretty damn great just as you are x

(If you do find it hard this time of the year, then The Blue Tree Clinic is offering discounted counselling therapy, just quote Valentines using your contact form РThe Blue Tree Clinic )

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My letter to you…

Dear you,

I’m sorry that right now, life isn’t going the way you planned, that every day seems a little worse than the last and nothing you could try to do can make it better. I’m sorry that you’re sad, that no one or nothing can numb the pain, not even for a second.

I want to say I know what it feels like because I’ve been there, that feeling of loneliness and unstoppable tears. I know what not being able to eat feels like and lying awake thinking ‘how the hell does this get any better?’ I know what it feels like to have no energy to do anything, no energy to smile or move, to just lie there, feeling nothing. I know what it feels like and in some way I hope that brings you some kind of comfort. But I know what I felt like isn’t the same as what you’re feeling or going through.

It’s impossible to control how you’re feeling, the way the darkness creeps in and just takes over your life bit by bit. I know you try to smile and try to put on this front, but you can only keep it up for so long before everything comes crashing down. Because this feeling wins. It always wins. Thats what you tell yourself anyway. Theres no hope.

I’m sorry that right now the dark is so familiar that strangely it feels like home. But please don’t get used to it, please don’t settle and believe you will never get out of this place. I know words sometimes don’t help and that nothing I can say will ever shift how you’re feeling right now but I hope you start to try, it will hurt like hell but please try.

I know you’ve been struggling for a while, and in some weird way I guess it never really does leave you. You do make it through to the light but you still have the past and the memories of what it was like. You still can remember the pain, but those demons don’t have that power anymore. You’re so much stronger than that.

I know that right now, it sucks. You have no direction, no hope, no nothing to wake up to and want to start the day. But I hope more than anything you just hang in there. Just hold on to the smallest piece of light, because it may not feel like it now but that small piece of light will soon become the sun and you’ll soon smile again.

You’ll start to laugh and hang out with friends. Breathing won’t seem like such a task and you’ll start to enjoy peoples company. You’ll look at different types of food and actually want to eat it, the smell of it doesn’t make you feel quite that sick anymore and you look forward to trying new things. You’ll wake up in the morning wanting to make yourself look nice, and when you look in the mirror you don’t flinch away. You smile. You see an¬†unbelieveably¬†strong person and you start to fall in love with yourself. You’ll start to appreciate the little things, like how blue the sky can actually be, or the sound of the waves when you walk along the beach. The laughter of couples that are sat in restaurants as you walk by and the way it can go from being so dry one minute to absolutely chucking it down with rain, and you’ll just stand there, taking it all in, because for the first time in a long time you can actually feel again. And it feels so good.

I know it may seem like a long way off, but I hope more than anything you just hang on to that image. Where you’ll smile again and it will be the most incredible moment.

One last thing, please talk to someone… please don’t hide away and keep it all to yourself. Yes you are incredibly strong but sometimes having people to talk to takes the weight off just a little bit. Don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed. You’re fighting something that sadly defeats a lot of people, but don’t let it defeat you. You are stronger than you know and having people to fight with you makes it seem a little easier.

Don’t ever feel like you’re alone. You’re not. Hang on to that. Hang on to hope.

You’ll soon breathe again, and I can’t wait for the day that you do.¬†

x

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A little inspiration for 2017…

Since 2016 is drawing to a close and we’ll soon be heading into 2017 (which is a scary thought!) I wanted to do a blog on some of my favourite quotes I’ve fallen in love with this past year, which hopefully will give you some kind of comfort, guidance and inspiration for 2017.

2016 has been a crap year for a lot of people, relationships have ended, people have lost their jobs, the loss of family members and friends, and it’s hard to pick yourself back up once these things have happened. I’ve come across a lot of inspirational quotes from some amazing authors and poets which put a lot of things into perspective. Whenever you’re feeling a little down I hope you read some of these and find a little comfort ūüôā

 

  1. ‘And her heart was the best part, it would always calm the storm for those who were afraid of a little rain.’ – R. M. Drake

 

2. ‘Don’t think. It complicates things. Just feel, and if it feels like home then follow it’s path.’ – R. M. Drake

 

3. ‘Never again, in this life or the next will I give someone the power to destroy me. No longer will I be reckless with my heart. I won’t force a love that isn’t meant to be, nor will be afraid of being alone, I will fall in the deepest love humanly possible. Love of self.’ – R. M. Broderick

 

4. ¬†‘It is supposed to hurt, my child. That is why there is water in your eyes and blood in your veins. If we knew no pain, we wouldn’t have known truth, and truth, my child, is the soul of the universe.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

5. ‘Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.’ – G. K. Chesterton

 

6. ‘Every door leads somewhere. Every chance is a blessing. Every song, every movie, and every book is another world. Every person you meet will change your direction. Every person you love will strengthen your connection. (The one to yourself.) Every moment you spend looking, something breathtaking will be found. And above all, every time you feel broken, someone will be there to help you heal. You have to hope for all of these and believe in them…so you can learn to live better. This is how you will find paradise.’ – R. M. Drake

 

7. ‘Either no one knows what it is like to be alone because no one truly is. Or everyone knows what it is like because everyone truly is. I believe we are all in this together – more than your tired heart will ever know.’ – Christopher Poindexter

 

8. ‘If you are broken and they have left you, do not question whether you were enough. The problem was you were so enough they were not able to carry it.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

9. ‘What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? that since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not.’ – Rupi Kaur

 

10. ‘Give yourself time to heal. It is okay to get your heart broken. It is okay to shatter and slip through the cracks a few times. For the world wants you to believe that loving yourself is an illness but none of that is true. Take the time to love yourself. Your body isn’t broken. Your body is marvellous and you are more than what they expect you to be. You are everything they could never understand: love and light mixed together and all things that blow with the wind.’ – R. M. Drake

 

11. ‘Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters.’ – John Green

 

12. ‘If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.’ – John Green

 

13. ¬†‘You have to allow yourself to break apart. That’s the only way you’re going to know what you’re made of. Let yourself go. Let yourself fall. Let yourself drown. Let yourself shatter. And above all, let yourself get hurt. Do all these things and know…how you have to really know your demons to defeat them. Befriend them to destroy them. Love them and walk with them. That’s the only way you’re going to bloom.’ – R. M. Drake

 

14. ‘Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love.’ – Alison Malee

 

15. ‘Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.’ – Carl Bard

 

Don’t let the thought of going into 2017 scare you, let it excite you. Get ready to start a new year being who you’ve always wanted to be, go and do things you’ve always wanted to do and believe that anything is possible.

Just know that better days are coming. x

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Depression is a disease. Not a choice.

This post is probably one of the most honest things I’ve ever written.¬†

Aching. Tired. Alone. Scared. Exhausted. Miserable. Sad. 

You feel not good enough. You start to doubt yourself in every aspect of your life. You think you are not loved. You think you have no one. You start to constantly think about rock bottom, that this place you’re in now there is no coming back from. No one can hear you cry or scream, there wouldn’t be any point.

You believe that this is what life will be like now, its awful, horrific, the worst pain you’ve felt. But in some weird and twisted way you kind of get used to it, you get used to feeling not enough, you get used to feeling alone. You remember when you used to see the sun shine and how it made you smile, now it doesn’t make you feel anything anymore. But thats normal now. That’s how it will be from now on.

You try to think of when you were happier, when every day was filled with the sound of your own laughter, and how you loved going out with friends, but just as quickly as that memory comes it goes. This dark cloud won’t leave you, it enjoys your sadness, it feeds off your pain, there is no way you will ever win this demon.

Your friends call, they ask if you’re okay, but you don’t know how to respond. It feels like they are too far away to help you. They bring you things : food, water, company. Things that you needed so much in your old life, but now these things don’t matter anymore, they don’t really seem that necessary. That’s not your life anymore, all your wants and needs are blurred and nothing is clear. You just lie there. Awake. Unable to sleep.

Depression wants you to suffer. It wants you to feel that there is no hope, no light, no nothing. That life is just one big black hole. After a while the suffering starts to become familiar. You get used to crying every morning and every night. You get used to not sleeping or eating. You have no energy, you can’t smile, talk, laugh. You used to see bright colours, but now all you see is grey. No smiling, no laughing, no¬†nothing.

People tell you to ‘just cheer up‘ – believe me, I would’ve loved more than anything to of been able to ‘just cheer up‘ or to ‘just be happy‘ again. So you start to avoid people – friends and family. You see strangers on the street – couples holding hands, families, young children, groups of friends. You don’t want to see them, you don’t want to see other people being happy when thats the one thing that you can’t be.

You feel guilty and ashamed to ask for help. No one would help you anyway, depression is just a silly word. So you put it off, you don’t ask for help and you keep living each day just as miserable as the last. But the thing is, depression isn’t ‘just a silly word‘. It’s not something to be ashamed of, it lies and tells you false truths. But my god depression is powerful. Its unpredictable and so so real.

The stigma behind depression keeps a lot of it’s issues and problems in the dark. It’s not easy to talk about, it’s very hard to grasp onto. I came across this really interesting article by Matt Haig – he goes on to say how suicide is now the leading cause of death in men under 50. With that statistic so plain and clear to see, how is depression not being talked about more, not being showed the attention it needs. Depression is a killer, it shouldn’t take a death for people to realise that.

There is life after depression, it may not seem like it at the time, but one day you will go on to live again. Hang on to that.

‘Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.’

x

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Life after Graduation. Where do we go from here?

Hey guys,

Sorry it’s been so long since I last posted! I got really inspired to write this post earlier this week, on monday I graduated from university! WAAHHEEEYYYY!

I can’t quite believe that 3 years has gone just like that, I’m so happy to have finally graduated but also really sad at the same time. That was my life for 3 years and now its over. Now I’ve graduated I have to officially be an adult (which is slightly daunting)

I’ve put together a few pictures from graduation ¬†–

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For lots of people life after graduation is scary, you have to jump into the real world and figure out what you want to do. Some people have already figured out where they want to go, and I’m looking at myself thinking ‘I really have no clue.’

It’s not that I don’t know what to do exactly, it’s more of ‘how can I get there?’ I have goals and dreams of what I want to achieve out of life but trying to find the right path to lead me there is tricky. I started uni with my whole career planned out, by the end of it my career goals had completely changed, and thats okay to change what you want to do, just because you once wanted to do something else and now you want to try something different, thats pretty amazing. You’ve been figuring out what you want to do, and at least you know for sure that its something you really want!

Fear of the unknown is natural, for most of our lives we’ve been on a schedule with school, college, uni and all the rest of it. But now, we are out in the world with no teachers telling us what to do or how to get there. For the most part we have to figure it out by ourselves, and that’s a scary thought, it’s okay to be afraid. But don’t let that fear stop you from fulfilling what you want to get out of life. Don’t let it make you unmotivated and stop you from even trying, don’t let it stop you from taking risks.

‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

The things is, the sun will come up tomorrow just like it always has done, and just like it always will (unless you live in Manchester than most likely it will be rain) but you are given 2 choices at the beginning of each day…you either live your life or you don’t. You either try or you don’t. And my god I really hope you choose to try, I hope you breathe in every moment and take opportunities that scare you. I hope you laugh every day and choose to love people so deeply. I hope you stand up for what you believe in and choose to have a forgiving heart, because the truth of the matter is, whatever comes next whether it’s that dream job you’ve been hoping to land or you move in to your own place, this world will continue to go on. The sun will continue to rise and set, and life will continue to surprise you.

And what you make of it is entirely up to you. 

 

Lots of Love,

R x